I'm sitting on a beach. It feels familiar, though I've never been here before. I can hear sea gulls off in the distance as the waves come rushing past my feet. It's such a beautiful day, I can't believe there's no one out here. I watch a sailboat off in the distance, when a little girl comes running up to me. She is beautiful, with long blonde hair and an enchanting smile. I ask her what her name is, and she says that she hasn't been given one yet. Then she asks me to play with her. I look around, find no one, and ask her where her parents are. The smile turns to a heartbreaking frown. Tears flow down her face when she asks, "You mean you've forgotten about me already, Daddy?" She then starts to fade until there's nothing but her foot prints in the sand. I close my eyes, trying to get the visual out of my head.
When I open them again, I'm under a sea of blankets and sheets. I've been in this room many times, yet it feels alien. The only sounds come from the ceiling fan, my heartbeat, and the rythym of her breathing. I look over at her, and I don't feel what I thought I would. I'm filled with the overwhelming desire to leave. Her dark hair falls over her pale face, illuminated by moonlight. I reach out to touch her, but as soon as I do, her face begins to crack. Then her entire body shatters. I recoil backwards, and fall off the bed. I close my eyes…
I land in the chair of a waiting room. I'm not alone, but I might as well be. She's reading a magazine, acting bored, like she's just ready to get this over with. I try to think of something to say, but decide against it. Conversation will only make things worse, like usual. Christ, I'd like to wake up now. Finally, my name is called back and she offers no words of encouragement. Barely looks up from the magazine. The lights in the examining rooms are harsh and hurt my eyes. The doctor sits me down and checks me out. She confirms what I already knew and feared. The full weight and severity of it all hits me, and I break down. She sits down next to me, and puts an arm around me. Her voice is soothing as she tells me that it's all going to be ok. I cry harder when I realize that she's the only person that's going to be doing this. A big part of me dies right there. Soon it will rot and decay, poisoning everything until acid is pumped through my veins. I regain my composure, step into the hall, and walk up to the door that leads back into the waiting room. I close my eyes, scared to face her, and the new future that I have carved out for myself.
I open my eyes to find myself someplace new, in front of a door I know all too well. It's slightly ajar, and I can hear the movement and tiny whines of protest. God, haven't I gone back to this enough? Just let it stop. But I know the dream won't end until I cross the threshold. My palms sweat as I place my hand on the doorknob. The noises within are louder now, and I feel nauseous. I close my eyes as I push the door open, this time with no intent on opening them again.
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