Closure?

Fuck the past. It's never up to any good. I've spent so much time wrapped up in it lately i've wasted the last six months of my life agonizing and self destructing over someone that had long since moved on, and ceased to care. This breakup really hit hard. I loved her a lot. More than anyone else I'd ever known. Every day i'd just sit there and think that if she'd just take me back, i'd do anything for her. But even if we had reconciled the relationship, too much time had passed. We would no longer have known each other, if we ever did to begin with. I just clung to a memory that was seen through extremely rose colored glasses, not coming close to what it was really like. Every time i'd look back on it, there were more things i didn't miss than things i did. So why did it take me down the way it did? I have a theory.

When you get close to someone, you give a piece of yourself to them. The stronger the bond, the more of yourself you give. Then, when that person is suddenly not in your life anymore, you're still missing that piece. I had given her the biggest piece that i ever had before, and when it was gone, i just couldn't deal with it. She was a big part of my life as well. 90% of my time was spent with her, and when she was gone, all that time was spent alone. That's when I started to slip, and i never stopped falling.

I remember when we first started out, she had all these reasons that our relationship wouldn't work, and she stuck by them. Nothing will work if you go into it expecting it to fail. Recently we tried to be friends, and it was met with the same negative approach. This, plus my emotional instability gave us a volatile concoction. Thus was the status quo of our relationship.

I see now that we're really not right for each other, and that it's for the best. As much as that truth sucks, it's time to accept it. I don't hold anything against her. I wasn't perfect either. I just hope that she finds what she's looking for, and I truly want her to be happy. I just can't dedicate any more time and energy into trying to make that happen.