Bi-Polar

It all kicks off with a trigger...
No matter how small, it may seem,
So innocous.
My blood it boils, my heart,
turns into dust.
And here i am again...
These thoughts in my head,
eating me from within.
Cuz the last six months have left me,
spent and used up,cold and wounded.
Been defeated, faith's depleted.
I've never felt this scared.
I see it all now,
I never mattered,
and you never cared.
I just wanna feel acknowledged,
to be accepted.
I don't wanna regret,
all this time i have invested.
So this is what it's all come down to.
Me, hittin rock bottom and admitting i'm through,
with the promises i couldn't keep,
that equal the number of nights i stay up and weep.
Just trying to cry myself to sleep.
Only to end up wide awake and drained of tears.
Shadow become manifestations of my fears,
that've hidden in my closet for many many years.
Every day's a let down, every night a curse.
And seeing your smile only makes it worse.
Cuz i'm not the one that put it there,
the final irony of which i was unprepared.
You're always finding a way to let me down,
you're so full of shit that your eyes turned brown.
But good things come to those who wait,
while ugliness fills the hearts of the fake.
But my ugliness will fade,
until one day it all but goes away.
And you'll be left with this emptiness,
a toxic reminder of all of this.
And after all that shit you put me through,
i want you to know...
I curse the day that i met you.