Aka: How to stop being such a douche bag and become an all around better person.
Ok this is beyond me. Why is it that people insist on starting conversations in public restrooms?
Douchebag: Hey how's it goin?
Me: Listen can we do this later? I'd rather not talk to you while i've got my dick in my hands.
It's bad enough the choose, not all the empty urinals, but the one RIGHT NEXT to you, THEN they wanna have a conversation. Okay... 4 things.
1. I don't know you.
2. If i did, i wouldn't like you.
3. If my some act of god your very existence didn't repulse me to my very core, i wouldn't want to talk to you in this environment.
4. While peing in a public restroom, i have to maintain severe concentration to be able to picture Angelina Jolie's face in the porcelain. It relaxes me, and it's also like a fun little game for me. I imagine i'm at a carnival playing the game where you shoot water into the clown's face making a balloon burst...you get the idea. Your babbling hinders my ability to do so.
In closing, if you see me in a public restroom resist the urge to talk to me, lest i use your shoes for target practice. In that case, you should just pray to god i only have to go number one.
And that's you lesson for today.
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