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With a whimper.

A few weeks ago I posted what I thought was going to be the last entry on this blog, but I discovered I had a few things left to say. Now I think I've finally run out of words. I've tried to go through and read some of my earlier pieces for inspiration, however that process proved more difficult that I could have ever imagined.

Everything I had written this year was dedicated to the future, one that will now never come to pass and it's something I don't know how to deal with. The one person who's meant more to me than I ever thought possible is now a stranger and the loss of that connection has been devastating.

I miss her. I miss us. Since I've gotten back I've felt so incredibly empty and every smile I've put on display hasn't been anything other than weakly managed semblance. And that's just the beginning.

Writing doesn't bring me the solace it used to and I feel like that's the last thing I truly had. Maybe one day things will be different and maybe they won't, but this has run its course.

Thank you for following and I wish I could have been better than I am, but I'm not. And for that, I'm eternally sorry.

1 comment:

  1. The excruciating pain of loss is a proof of life, evidence of a capacity to love truly and deeply that not many have. Awareness of one's flaws can be a great gift but can also be the greatest curse because the voices of others' derision amplify and combine with our own until we cripple ourselves beneath the weight of regret. Remember that the future is always unknown and your perception of yourself can only ever be partly true. If you weren't standing above the crowd the world wouldn't be trying to bring you to your knees. Have faith. You'll be back.