I met Melissa at the beginning of my senior year. She was a friend of Shawn's and started hanging out at his place quite often. I hated her because she bitch slapped me once for saying a movie she liked sucked. It got to the point that if I knew she was over there, I'd just stay away.
It was one of the rare days I didn't have to work, so I was enjoying some quality time with my PS2 when my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number on the caller ID, so I answered. It was Melissa.
“How'd you get my number?”
“Shawn gave it to me.”
“(Sigh) Great, what's up?”
She said she was going through a tough time and didn't know who else she could talk to. I still don't really know why that person had to be me, but I indulged her. See, this stuff always happens to me. Girls will have drama in their lives, choose me to confide in, I'll stick it out in hopes of getting somewhere with them and they move on when they get their self esteem back. Yup, I'm that guy.
For the next hour and a half she detailed how the guy she was seeing knocked her up, her mom just made her get an abortion and she broke up with the boyfriend due to how he handled it all. I didn't have any advice because these problems were way over my head, but I did my best to console her. I was able to make her laugh and we ended up having a pretty good conversation. Well, I mean, all things considered. I did find out one crucial detail about her. She was very, very damaged. Damaged equals irresistible, and irresistible always equals pain for Davlin.
Her, Shawn and I hopped into my truck one Friday and we went to the theater to see the movie Red Dragon. Over the course of the film she was drawing closer and closer. Her hand found mine. I edged my lips towards hers and they met. I heard the rest of the movie was awesome.
On the way home she drove me crazy by rubbing me through my jeans while Shawn sat right there, oblivious. I honestly didn't know what to think. I was seventeen at the time and she was only the third girl I'd ever kissed. I didn't spend nearly as much time analyzing the whole picture as I should have, because all I wanted was more action.
We started dating and since she was the only girl that showed any interest in me, I assumed we were in love. Mom, you really shoulda held be more when I was a baby. Anyway, it didn't take long for me to realize just how hard to deal with this girl really was. She had severe moods swings, irritability, an extremely short temper, doubts about us and incredibly low self esteem. It was like I was dating myself. She then started with the guilt trips and demands which get me every time.
It was a Wednesday night when she called me up and told me to come over when her mom fell asleep. I tried to explain to her calmly that since it was a school night that'd be damn near impossible to pull off.
“Just do it!” Click.
I managed to talk my Dad into letting me stay with Shawn, and his mom said that it was OK. That night there was a huge storm, but Shawn and I braved the weather to buy my first box of condoms. We went to four different stores because they were all locked up behind glass cases requiring assistance and we were too embarrassed to ask for help. Finally, we came to Albertsons and they hung loose on the rack. We grabbed them and searched for the cashier that would be the least traumatic to purchase them from, not even taking into consideration what it looked like, us being a pair of dudes buying them. A guy I knew, Tanner, (See: The breakfast that will live in infamy) was working and we went to him. He made small talk as he rang them up and everything seemed cool until we started walking out.
“Hey, boys! Good luck with those condoms tonight!” I fucking hate that guy.
Shawn and I laid up on the couches in his living room, waiting for his mom to go to sleep and the OK from Melissa. At midnight I got the text and headed to her place. I parked a block from the house, walked in the rain, jumped her fence, climbed onto the roof and into her second floor window, soaking wet. It was like an episode out of bad teen drama. We sat up for hours and talked. She showed me pictures out her scrapbooks and other stuff guys don't care about, but will feign interest in the hopes of getting laid.
It started to pay off, because we were going at it hot and heavy on her bed. My hand went south and hers returned the favor. We removed more and more clothes until there were none remaining. Oh, my god. It's finally going to happen. That's when the door burst open. This is how I met Melissa's mom.
“Who the hell are you?”
I stood up, bare ass naked and offered my right hand for her to shake. I then remember where it had just been and switched it with my left. “Hi, my name is Davlin. It's very nice to meet you.” Hey, it was worth a shot.
“I want you out of my house or I'm calling the cops.”
“Sounds good.” I didn't look back at Melissa, didn't even say a word of goodbye. I just grabbed my clothes and tried to dress on my way to the exit. I could hear shouting even when I got outside. It was four in the morning when I crawled into the back door of Shawn's place. I got a call from her telling me she was basically on house arrest and forbidden to ever see me again.
For a month our relationship consisted of seeing each other roughly fifteen minutes a day. That was only when she picked her sister up from school and if she went to the grocery store I'd meet her there. It's hard to have any amount of passion on that kind of schedule. Her mom eventually calmed down and things started to go back to normal. She was allowed to go to her school's football games and I went with her to one. When it was over I followed her and her sister to a park, got in the car and we all chilled. This lasted roughly ten minutes when she told her sister to get in the trunk. She then popped it and her sister climbed inside.
Melissa joined me in the back seat and straddled me.
“I want you.” She told me.
“Wait, what about your sister? She's two feet away!”
“(scoffs) Oh, she doesn't care.”
“(Muffled from the trunk) I really don't!”
Seriously, I can't make this shit up. It was one of the top ten weirdest situations I've ever found myself in. So I just ran with it. The song “Bother” by Stone Sour was playing on the radio. It's scary how much this set the tone for every sexual relationship I'd have from that point forward.
She started to kiss me, clothes came off, the condom went on and I was inside. I then got this really sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. These really bad images popped into my head. I felt ashamed, guilty, and just...wrong. Within seconds I was limp and crying and I didn't know why. This moment was the catalyst for me finding out the truth about my nightmares. Melissa pushed me away, pissed off. We dressed, her sister got out of the trunk, and they drove away.
I went home and had the worst dream I have ever had. The dream was seen through a first person point of view, but the edges were distorted, like looking through a fishbowl. In it I was extremely young and in my bed with my back to the door. It opened and I could hear movement behind me, along with the breathing. The mattress squeaked as it struggled to accommodate the new weight that lay down upon it. The breathing was now in my ear and on my neck. A hand touched my shoulders and I closed my eyes as I was pulled on my back. The voice said that it was OK. I opened my eyes, but I couldn't make out any details. It was all foggy, just like it always was. Suddenly, the image became clear and for the first time in my life, I saw the bastard's face.
I woke up in a cold sweat, scared and alone. I didn't know what was happening to me and felt like I was going to throw up. I didn't want to fall asleep in fear that the dream would return, but I also didn't want to be awake with the image still burned into my brain and the new found knowledge screaming to be analyzed.
Melissa's school started an hour before mine and she called me the next morning before she went in like she always did. She sounded distracted and was joking with her friends. I remember the laughter in her voice as she told me she didn't want to see me anymore. I could hear a guy in the background encouraging her and say that she was going to be with him again. I asked if it had to do with what happened the night before, she said it did and hung up.
My entire life I've fought with depression and, at times, suicidal thoughts. When I talk about the events that lead to them, they sound petty. I know the way my brain processes things is different, like it’s hardwired wrong. I don't know if it's because I'm bi-polar, or because my formative years were traumatic. You can call me over dramatic, but I'll call you an insensitive prick. Anyway, the events with Melissa and having the dreams finally make sense were just too much for me to handle. I curled into a ball on my bed and began contemplating how I was going to go about ending my life.
Then something happened that took me completely by surprise. My mom called me. At that point in time, we weren't really that close. I'd lived with her for ten years during my youth and we hadn't had one real conversation. The relationship I've had with my parents over the course of my life has been severely complicated. I could spend another two books delving into it, but I'm not going to bother.
She said she got this feeling that I was in trouble, then I told her I was going to kill myself. She picked me up within an hour. It was Friday, so she called me out of school and we started to drive to Glen Oaks, a mental hospital. The first real conversation I had with my mother was telling her about how I lost my virginity.
We got to the hospital and I answered questions, but refused to check myself in. I stayed with her for the weekend. We'd stay up and she would tell me personal things about her and vice versa. After seventeen long years I finally started to get to know my mother.
A few weeks later Melissa told me she had made a mistake and wanted me back. It takes me a couple of times to learn anything, so I got back with her. She invited me to her homecoming dance and I was looking forward to it. My mom took me out, and I got some nice clothes and a mum.
The night of the dance I met her at the school. The second we got inside, she vanished. I didn't know anyone at that school except Shawn and Natalie, but they were busy doing their own thing. I couldn't find Melissa, so I just kind of stood in a corner by myself. That's when fate decided to smile upon me. Two girls came up.
“Hey, aren't you Melissa's boyfriend?”
“I don't know after tonight.”
“Where is she?”
“I haven't seen her since I got here.”
“What a bitch, I can't believe she would do that. Why don't you dance with us?”
They sandwiched me in between them and began to grind up against me. After a couple of songs the one behind me asked if I wanted to see if we could find an unlocked classroom.
Why, yes. Yes I did.
It took us awhile, but we found one. It had to be a science class, because it had the big wooden tables instead of desks, which would soon be put to good use. The three of us started making out and did things my friends are still jealous of. That was my only experience with anonymous sex, but if you're gonna do something, might as well do it right. We finished up and I went back to the dance. Two seconds in and Melissa grabbed me to go and get our picture taken. I have a huge smile in that picture which wasn't because of her.
After that, there really isn't much to talk about. We kind of fizzled out and she broke up with me to go back to her ex again. At that point I couldn't have cared less, though. As far as I was concerned, I came out on top on that one. And on bottom. And to the side...
