Oh, that? It’s not a death rattle. There’s just something in his throat.

I was feeling kind of low at work today. It must have been obvious because a coworker aproached me and put her hand on my shoulder. She invited me to her church, and gave me a book about God. Now, I really like this woman, but I HATE when people do this. I've got a box of books like the one she gave me that I've recieved from people. I'm not religious. I don't even really know what it is that I believe in, if anything. I do, however, think that if there is a God, he stopped giving a shit a long time ago. I just don't find the solace in that outlet that other people do, and I don't like it being suggested that I should.

Look, I know I have issues. I've been aware of that for a long time now. I spend most of my days either constantly pissed off, horribly depressed, or an unhealthy combination of the two. I generally like my co-workers, and I can only imagine how I look from the outside. To tell you the truth, even I don't know who I'm going to be that day when I wake up. None of my actions are done in hopes of getting attention. It's not a cry for help. It's just me trying to keep control, and hold myself together. I don't like being the subject of their sympathy and intentions, even though they are good. Most of all I hate the pity. I don't like being the sad little boy in the corner. I'm taking medications to help keep me balanced, but all it does it turn the volume down slightly. The old habits are still there. The desires are still prevalent.

I'm just tired. Tired of whining, complaining, and bitching. I have a lot of time during the day to think. Probably too much. I'll come up with ideas to write about, things that need to be done, just how to get myself back together in general. Then my focus shifts to more negative subjects, and then stay there. By the time I get home I'm too to mentally exhausted and emotionally beat down to put my positive plans into action. Instead, I become lethargic, laying down to die and letting my future slip past me, one night at a time. I need to fix this. I'm going to rebuild the walls, and trim the excess. There are too many distractions.

It's with these thoughts in mind that I have decided to cancel my myspace account in a couple of days. I don't want to put myself out there anymore. At least, not until I am fully satisfied with what I have to display. I will keep writing. The blog will continue, just through another outlet that's meant for personal use. Some thoughts should remain secret. Some journeys have to be taken alone. I will also keep working on all the other projects, and make something out of them. I still have my phone and gmail account if you need to get a hold of me. Other than that, I really don't know what to tell you. I do wanna thank those that have kept up with this blog. It is greatly appreciated. This isn't the end, though. The best has yet to come.