Memories in the form of still images and text race through my head. An accelerated heartbeat and leaking eyes make it harder to focus. I'm rising and falling; my stomach takes permanent residence in my throat. People call and text but I don't want to talk tonight.
My mom didn't like my tone when we spoke and went into full on panic mode. She blew up my phone with texts demanding to know what was wrong. I love my mom, but there's some things she doesn't need to know about.
See, I have to be perfect. That's not just concerning mom, it's a lot of people. I'm not perfect, though. In fact, I'm pretty fucked up at times. Some people are waiting on me to snap again, while others will be crushed if I do. I have to stay strong and not give the first set an opening as well as avoid letting down the latter. It's exhausting.
I don't like people to see me when I get like this.
Music pulses through my headphones. My MP3 player knows me too well and always picks the right songs for the wrong times. The leaks from my eyes become torrents and soak the filter of my cigarette. I know I think too much and there's one thought in particular I can't seem to shake.
Are my emotions a gift or curse?
Glad you decided to post this :)
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