In a few weeks I'm leaving Dallas for the second time. It's not the way I expected, but it is the one I've always wanted. Sitting on my couch, the last 4+ years flash before my eyes.
Breaking down the second I walked into my aunt's house after the two day move from SC.
Having to find my own job, because my old district manager couldn't be bothered to put in a transfer request.
Going to a haunted house with my dad and being astonished by the disconnect.
Getting my first apartment and sleeping on a bed of my own for the first time in years.
The naked, drunk girl in my bathtub who ruined my job.
The cold, unfeeling girl from South Carolina who broke my heart while visiting. Also, my brakes going out on the way back from dropping her off at the airport.
A lead on a new job from a regular at work, which I was ultimately offered.
I start taking writing seriously and practice with several different styles.
Old friendships being mended.
Awkward glances and Myspace coversations.
Two different paths with the wrong one taken first.
The beginning of a tumultuous relationship built upon secrets and half truths.
My power being cut off for the first time and reading to her by candlelight.
A call from a girl in a Walmart states away I'd never met before which changed my life forever.
The time in the shower which also did the same.
The conversation that same night which brought the world down around me.
The later to be room mate from hell fucking me over by quitting our job, thus leaving me with out a ride.
Living with them at the worst possible time.
Signing my soul away on a car note which also sent me crawling back to blockbuster.
Taking her to a party with my family, she didn't say a word to anyone.
A Christmas eve she and I spent together and her gift putting mine to shame.
Walking out on a shift at Blockbuster, effectively burning my bridge in the process.
Her buying tickets to a horror convention where I got to meet Robert Englund. This equated to two days of miserable and two minutes of fucking amazing.
She goes to a party and meets someone else who makes me obsolete.
Laying next to each other on her bed in silence for an hour before she broke up with me.
Finding out through her Myspace blog she was happy with someone else. This is when everything fell apart.
I started getting sent home because of the crying fits.
She came by and we tried to have sex. I was, however, unable to perform and it only added to my problems.
Me going off on her through gmail before coming back with my tail between my legs the next day.
Going with her to the Everclear concert, having sex the same night and being ignored the next day during the company picnic.
I started seeing a therapist, who said she couldn't help me.
Dad read a blog of mine and threw what I said back into my face.
I went home that same night and sat down with a razor blade and argued with a voice in my head.
A week later I went to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me as bi-polar and paranoid schizophrenic, with anxiety and depression issues to round it all out.
The prescription he gave me was 60 bucks for a weeks supply, made me feel funny and he never returned my calls.
Spent five days in the mental hospital.
It took a doctor's note for them to finally move my desk at work.
Hooked back up with Allison again after my release, falling into the same old patterns.
We'd had sex once a month since we'd broken up and it was her who ended it that fall.
Someone told HR they thought I was going to snap and they called in a crisis team to talk to me.
She kissed me once and I wouldn't allow my eyes to open until after she'd left.
Spent an exciting and informative day at the free clinic.
I started putting all my time alone to good use by working on my first book.
The next several months were a cathartic process.
A promotion swept me away from my old department.
Began a regimen of pharmaceuticals in hopes they would help fix what was wrong with me.
Starting this blog.
I moved in with my aunt and away from the memories which haunted my first apartment.
Sporadic conversations with Ana, still states away.
Started working on "Harbinger" as a comic.
I completed the first draft of the book.
Moved in with an old friend, who soon became the room mate from hell.
Created OK Cupid account.
Met cute girl who was into me until she found out what I had.
Pitched my book to a real agent and failed horribly.
Deleted OK Cupid account.
Artist on "Harbinger" abandoned his post.
After a traumatic night, I quit taking my prescriptions and started smoking cannabis instead.
At the encouragement of a dear friend, I started performing at open mics. These quickly became the only thing which got me through the week.
I ruined things with the dear friend and will probably never be able to repair the damage.
I started looking deep inside myself and resolved to fix the problems which I'd been running from so long ago by myself.
Living with the room mate began taking its toll.
Started going to Tucker's Blues for their open mics.
Created another OK Cupid account.
Almost jumped into a relationship which would have been wrong for me.
Mark passed away and I lost the brother I'd never had.
Jumped into a relationship that, while worthwhile, was wrong for both of us.
Things with the room mate were reaching a boiling point.
Girlfriend and I broke up.
Room mate ditched me.
I received another promotion which not only gave me financial stability, it also opened several doors.
I began recording my works as audio.
Learning how to live with the curse.
I needed a place to put the audio so I built an entire website.
During this time Ana and I started talking more frequently.
I finished the site and begun the never ending task of marketing.
Started a music project with a coworker which never led anywhere.
Began growing disenchanted with my new position at work.
Finally attained a new car, which is also one more thing to tie me down.
Conversations with Ana grew in intensity and all the feelings for her couldn't be contained any longer.
I told her I was falling for her.
After some time, she told me she also had feelings for me.
I no longer wanted to be in Texas.
Her and I talked every night, sometimes until the sun came up.
Work sent me to California, where I attended the multimedia course which changed my life.
While in my hotel bed, we told each other we loved each other for the first time.
I take a picture of the bed and post it.
After landing in Dallas I realized nothing about my life here made any sense.
While iced in I applied for film school and quit my job right before it fell through.
After only a few minutes of panic I decided to move to Chattanooga to be with her.
I said goodbye to Allison in the best possible way.
During my entire last day at work I was reminded why it was time to go.
Now, I'm sitting here and the clock is winding down. I know what I want, but there's a lot standing in the way right now. The truth is, this has the potential to ruin everything for me, but she's worth the risk. I can't think of a single other thing on this planet that is to me.
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