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Devil On My Shoulder-Billy Talent
I was at an old coworker's place tonight and he told me about how people at my old job really felt about me leaving. Here's what he said and a summary of my response to each.
"Come on, dog. They built that position for you and you just left them."
This is half true. My old job had a better position, which I applied for, but I wasn't a high enough rank so they refused to give it to me. Instead they drastically cut the pay and tweaked the title and sold it as a position built especially for me.
"They did a lot for you, though."
Yes they did and before I left I thanked each and every one of them for the things they did for me. That being said, they also did a lot of shitty things to me, too. (I'm not going to put them here) No one seems to realize how hard it was for me to go into that job everyday, but I did it for 3 years after everything happened and I was fucking done.
"They really liked you. They had plans for you, you were being molded and you just left. Look at it from their point of view"
I completely see where they're coming from, believe me I do. Of course they liked me; I'm fucking awesome. And as for them molding me, who said the vision they had for me was the one I did? I'm sorry if I fucked anyone over, but I'm done living my life based on what other people expect or want from me. For the first time in my life, I'm going to do what I want. Fuck anyone who has a problem with me doing so.
"They paid to send you to California and you just left them afterword. They're pissed about it."
And they'd have every reason, if I wasn't having to pay for the entire course myself. It's in payments, but they'll be getting that money back, so they've no reason to hold it over my head.
"Come on, dog. You're a full grown man. You've got yourself into this, gotta get yourself out."
Okay yeah, you're right and I'm fully aware that every one of the problems I've got right now are of my own volition. I get that and I'm not asking for anyone's sympathy. Not once have I asked for anyone's help financially, but at the same time I'm in no position to turn it down. However, any help or advice which will keep me from my goal and hides ulterior motives, I won't accept it. That's why my plan is to sell everything of mine I can. I'm not scared to sacrifice to get what I want.
I then asked if he might know anyone who would like to buy my mic and 20 minutes later the prospective buyer was asking me questions in person. We got to talking about my site, writings and recordings. Because I'm shameless, I performed a few pieces and I'm always astonished by how good it feels to let it out, especially after a lapse.
"That's what you need to be doing with your life." He told me.
"I'm working on it."
We talk for awhile longer before I give him some cards and head to the apartment. (I've stopped referring to it as home, that's in Tennessee) My MP3 player picked the perfect song for how I was feeling.
When I got back to the shithole I checked my bank account online only to find that two charges I hadn't accounted for hit and caused several tiny charges to overdraft today. Using the majority of the money my aunt and big sister had just given me in an attempt to fix it before the fees started to hit on each of them.
Again, I've just been fucked over, only this time I can't keep from smiling, because not only do I have her, but I was also offered a helping hand at the best possible moment. This too shall pass, right? So, fuck it, take us out Kanye!