The flight to San Francisco was miserable and that's not just because the last time I had slept was over twenty four hours prior. I was really unhappy because I was about to be even further away from her, which made me miss her so much more. This was only a week after we told each other how we felt and the thought of the added distance between us was tearing me up inside. By the time I landed, acquired my rental car and set out to San Jose I was too preoccupied to talk with her consistently and it only added to by horrible mood.
After 2 hours of trying to navigate the California highways and another 30 minutes just trying to find a place to park the fucking car I crashed in my room above the blankets without a word to anyone. I awoke a little later to find an email and text from Missy wondering if we were still on for coffee that night. I confirmed and a little while later she was at my hotel.
First, let me tell you about Missy.
She was the second person to comment on my blog after randomly finding it and start to follow it regularly. Here's what she said back on Jan 14th, 2009 about "Confessions",
"Oh my God, you're telling my story too. You are not alone."Ever since then we've built one of my favorite friendships through each others blogs, as well with comments and emails.
Talking to her in person was amazing. She told me things about her life she'd previously kept secret, while I went on and on about myself. When the night was over it was difficult to say goodbye, but we promised to keep in touch. It was the perfect way to spend the first night in a strange, new place and something I'll always treasure.
When I got back up to the room I texted with Ana until it was far too late to get any kind of restful sleep. This is my all time favorite thing in the world.
By The Time You Get This Message-Flobots
I awoke to the alarm a few short hours later, had a breakfast consisting of a Venti Mocha and found my classroom. I was rocking a suit and tie with the fedora and black jeans. I started having a conversation with the woman next to me until class started and, once it did, it was more fun than I'd ever had at my job. Also, Ana sent me a text letting me know she and her boyfriend had broken up and I was over the fucking moon. It was finally happening.
When class was over I went out and performed for an audience who'd never seen me before and it felt great. That night back in the hotel, we told each other we loved each other for the first time. The one thing I've wanted above all else for almost four years was finally mine and it was more than I'd ever dreamed. As always, our time passed too fast and we had to call it a night.
The second day of class was even better, because it dealt with film, something I'm extremely passionate about. Our project involved making a movie; which I fucking schooled and the teacher played to enormous applause from the class.
I made a lot of new friends, but there was a big difference between them and me. They were trainers and I'm a writer so we had completely different things to discuss when it came to talking shop. The business cards I'd handed out at the end of the day were for my site, not my employer.
One of my classmates came to the open mic to see me perform, which was also a fantastic show. The rest of the night was spent editing the piece dedicated to Ana so I could email it to her. She loved it and we stayed up talking until 3 in the morning, giving me an hour and a half before I had to start getting ready for my flight back to Dallas.
Boulders-New Found Glory
I thought about the last three days in a sleep deprived state while on the plane. I could feel the weight of what had transpired, each event heavy with long hidden truths. Finally, I knew what I wanted in this life and I decided then and there I was going to go after them.
When I landed the weather was awful and the roads dangerous. It took me a while to find my car in the parking lot and the warmest thing I had was my suit jacket...it did nothing.
I shivered in my car as I screamed at to "hurry and warm the fuck up" while trying to call my boss back. We talked briefly, before deciding I should try calling when I got off the streets. As I made the slow journey back to my apartment it finally dawned on me just how much I hate it here and it depressed me. I got Boston Market (mmmm) before I got home and the second I sat down to my food, my boss texted me to tell me she wanted me on a conference call immediately.
I looked at my plate and sighed sadly as I called in, immediately to be flooded with several voices in the middle of the conversation. I wasn't given much of an introduction and I never knew what the hell they were talking about, or why I was on the call at all. As always my mind started to wander, because work conversations have never been able to hold my interest. I was only half listening when my boss finally asked what I thought. I repeated some of the things I learned from my class and no one said a single thing to about my suggestions. At the end, when when my boss asked if I had anything final to add I said what I always did when I just wanted to be done with a meeting.
"No, I think you guys covered everything." Then I hung up and put my phone on silent in order to enjoy the things that interest me. Once I did, I realized I had no desire to ever go back to that job again.
See, I've said the trip to California changed me and it absolutely did, but in ways you might not realize. Here were the revelations I had in that short time.
1. I hated my job and was miserable there.
2. Being in a brand new city always makes me feel peaceful.
3. Coming back to Dallas doesn't.
4. I have a talent for making movies and it was what I wanted to do for a living.
5. Ana was the girl I'm going to marry.
6. Neither four nor five could be found in Texas.
7. As much as I loved four, it was number five which made me happier.
8. I have to find a way to be with her.
So, since then I've been working on the last one. It's been a crazy trip so far, but in the end it will be worth every struggle and tear.