Epiphany in the static

Night time...

I'm driving. The lonely country road stretches out under an ocean of stars that will soon be lost within the ambient light of the city. I think in white noise.

Ten minutes from Rockwall and it finally kicks in. I roll the window further down. The radio is on full blast. The music seeps into my pores and pumps through my veins. The cool night air whips past my burning face and I smile. It's moments like this that I truly feel alive.

I come up the hill that marks the last exit for Rockwall. The Dallas skyline burns in the background like a fire that refuses to be extinguished. Beautiful. The bridge over the lake seems ten times longer than usual. The moon chases me along the surface of the water. It looks as though I can almost touch it.

Everything begins to slow down, including my thoughts. So, let's get down to it.

A lot of people lately have been asking me why I'm single and I don't know what to tell them. I analyze the decisions I have made and decide that I need to re-evaluate my priorites. I wonder why I am the way that I am. This line of thinking can be dangerous.

I start with childhood and work my way forward. The realization sets in that a part of me is still in that state, that it never matured. I think it's because, like so many other people, I had to grow up too fast. When your innocence is taken away from you at such a young age, a part of your emotional growth becomes stinted. If that happens, you could be stuck forever.

I have decided to let it all go. The baggage is too heavy and I am tired. I'm ready to be happy, to feel new emotions without the influences of the past. I don't want to be angry anymore. I just want to be.

Back at home, I flip through the channels and stop at a French animated film called 'Persepolis'. It's about a girl growing up during a revolution in Iran and I relate to it on more levels than I'd like to admit. I see myself in many of the characters, a few that I'm ashamed of.

At what age do our behaviors stop being cute and fun? When do we just become tragic and sad? I want to grow up and now's the time. I'm right back to where I started from all those years ago, only now I've got the lessons to help guide me. I've also got hope and opportunities, and those are things that I will never waste again.