Thank you for checking in and I hope this finds you well. Tell your student who found my blog that I said congratulations and I wish him the best of luck. It’s funny, I wondered who found it by googling your name. As for me, well, things haven’t exactly turned out the way I thought they were going to.
But first, a little backstory.
During my senior year I spent so much time trying to deal with things both in and out of my control that small details, like my future, kind of fell to the wayside. While my classmates were busy trying finding schools and deciding what they wanted to do with their lives, I was looking for reasons not to end mine. I finally found it in something simple: a notebook and pen.
To my amazement, the year I spent wasting all the academic accomplishments I’d worked so to accrue didn’t stop me from graduating and I was thrust into the real world without a plan or ambition. I lived in my car, slept on other peoples couches and even had to move out of state after I’d burned my last bridge at home. I didn’t even have a bed of my own until four years later. It was during this time I took the job which would inevitably lead to the most heartbreaking experience of my life which stretched out over the next two years. If I could go back and change it, though, I wouldn’t because it gave me some of the best material I’ve ever written.
It was also during these couple of years that I realized I wanted to make movies. I made a half assed attempt to find one locally, but the amount of money I needed seemed too daunting and quickly became discouraged. Once I was able to finally shake some of the things I was burdened with for far too long I was able to flourish at work and even found a sense of financial stability.
It was about this time I went to California and, well, you’re familiar with the rest. The moment you told me I had been accepted into the Brooks Institute remains the proudest moment of my life. I was hesitant at first, but when you assured me money should be the last thing on my mind I went for it. Granted, I probably acted a little hasty in quitting my job, but I thought it was a sure thing. Then, the loan fell through and the disappointment hit hard. Truthfully, I still don’t think I’ve fully recovered. But life goes on.
I couldn’t find another job and there was no way my old one was going to take me back. I lost everything I’d spent the last four years building. So, I moved to Tennessee to be with the woman I loved.
Now, it’s six months later and, I gotta tell you man, I’m struggling. I’m writing this from my desk at yet another job in which I feel like my talent is going to waste and not making enough to support myself, much less save for the future. I’m so tired of feeling stuck.
I’ve also been reading about all of the films which are getting greenlit and it makes me sick to my stomach. The industry has grown stagnant and I want to be one of the voices which helps get us out of this rut. I’m growing more and more worried the day might never come.
I know this is probably more than you wanted to hear, but…I don’t know, it’s all building up lately and I didn’t really know who else to turn to.
Thanks for listening.