My muse

2010 is almost over and it's left my head swimming. Every time I've tried to process it all, I'm rendered absolutely speechless.

I was in a weird place when the year began. I was growing increasingly forlorn with my room mate and performing at open mics was my only respite. The main problem with this is, most of the time when I'm on stage, I'm talking about you.

When I was at my loneliest I met her. It happened online and we hit it off immediately. She was loving, passionate and outspoken; three words I could never have used to describe you. In typical fashion, we moved too fast and the passion burned out long before our relationship did.

We were fighting more often than not, each one of them ending with her saying I needed to go back to therapy. The stress of problems in and outside of our relationship led to it ending with a whimper on our sixth month anniversary. My family took it harder than I did.

Right after that, I got promoted and my room mate bailed on me. Suddenly, 75% of the stress in my life was gone...and I flourished.

Aside from kicking ass at work, I started making real progress on myself for the first time in my life. I started writing again, often about you.

With the knowledge and tools I obtained through my new position I began to record and experiment with my words. This led to an emotional baptism. See, writing my book two years ago allowed me to exorcise my demons, but it was the website that truly healed the wounds and opened my eyes. Both of them have echos of you on every single page.

While I am getting better at letting go, there are three things that, while extremely painful, I'm going to choose to hold onto. This is because they are important and have shaped me into the man I am. I don't want to forget how I got here, because that's how I lose myself.

Which, as always, brings me back to you. The memory of our relationship is one of the things I'm going to keep.

I used to think you were the biggest mistake of my life, but now I see you differently. I wouldn't be who I am if it wasn't for our time together. It was the single most painful experience of my entire life, but I treasure every single second.

Now, when I hear you laugh right outside my office it makes me smile. I don't hate you and you're not my baggage.

You're simply...

my greatest inspiration.