Expulsion

I can't keep going on like this. It has to stop. I guess it's time to finally let it all go. I go into the bathroom and strip down, leaving my clothes in a heap on the floor. I step into the bathtub and close the curtain behind me. This is going to get messy.

I sit down in the tub, clutching my knees to my chest. With my eyes closed I focus hard on everything that's been building up inside me. From the cruelty of the schoolyard, the reciprocated disappointment between my family and I, the laughter, love, broken hearts and repressed memories; I remember it all. I let each feeling pass through me. Then, I start to push. It starts out like always, with the tremors coursing through by body, then the tears.

But this time, it's different.

I can feel a trail burning from my eyes all the way down my cheeks. The tears sizzle when they meet flesh and porcelain. I look down and see a puddle forming in the tub, it's black and thick like oil. It's a start.

I zero in on the memories and push harder. The inky fluids trickle from every pore and scorch my skin before congealing in the tub. Take it all, leave nothing behind. I don't want it anymore.

Goddamn, this really hurts.

I can feel a knot starting to swell behind my ribcage. The pressure reaches its crescendo as the sharp, deafening crack of my sternum reverberates off the porcelain around me. All I can do is gasp as my chest explodes outwards, smearing black and red all over the the walls. I had always wondered what a soul looked like. It's gross.

I reach a hand into the gaping hole that was once my torso. It doesn't hurt anymore...I've nothing left to feel.

I now have a couple of options. I could choose to fill the breach with new, positive feelings until that's all I have to focus on. But I'm going to go the safer route. I seal the hole with bricks and mortar, so nothing else will ever be allowed in again.

There, I feel better already.