I'd always joked how the girl I ended up with would have to work out in order to help me carry all my baggage. While this was made in jest, one simple fact remains; it takes a very strong and special kind of person to be able to last with me. In truth, I've never had a relationship last longer than 9 months. There have been 16(?) before now who tried and none of them had what it takes. I've also found that they fall into at least one of four categories and each of them had their own reasons for why we failed.
The Martyrs: This group has had a particularly rough go at life and it has left them tremendously scarred. They would hold me accountable for the transgressions of past boyfriends, which was the source of most of our arguments. The one thing holding them back is their past and they refuse to do anything to correct this problem, because nothing was ever really their fault. I used to be one of these and it was at least something we had in common.
The Saints: The Saints lived a life without any major traumas and this makes it impossible for us to relate to each other. It also meant that the tiniest problems would be blown out of proportion because they never had to deal with anything more complex than a flat tire or bad grade. They also have a strict system of values which I could never live up to.
The Saviors: These women saw me as a project; something to fix and mold into their idea of what I should be as opposed to accepting me for who I am. They were usually met with strong resistance on my end, which led to nothing but problems the longer we stayed together. I'd tell them the same thing I've been telling Christians for decades; I don't need to be saved.
The Unrequiteds: This is pretty self explanatory; either I wanted them and they didn't reciprocate, or it was the other way around.
After years of dating these types I thought that this was all I would ever find and just keep repeating the same relationships until I could no longer find any takers, but I was wrong. Turns out there is one girl who is not only perfect for me, but she's also the one I've wanted for almost four years now.
She's had an unbelievably painful past, but she refuses to let it beat her. Instead, she chooses to learn from what's happened and used it to become a stronger, and better, person as a result. Because of this we're able to connect and understand each other more than I ever thought possible.
If there's one thing this girl isn't, it's a Saint and I love her so much because of it.
The person I am is also the one she fell in love with, so she doesn't want me to change. She's not out to fix me, just offer an ear and support even when I don't ask. I'm starting to see the things about myself people have been harping on me about my entire life and every day I'm making progress on eliminating my flaws. The important thing here is, she lets me do this on my own, without nagging or throwing them in my face. Just talking to her makes me want to become a better person for both of us and this occurs naturally.
For the longest time I thought she was an Unrequited, but this is because the timing just wasn't right for us until now. We both still had several lessons to learn before we could truly make this work.
We spend our nights talking until we can no longer keep our eyes open. I've told her things about myself I'd never uttered aloud before and she's done the same. There's nothing quite like baring your soul to someone, only to find that not only are they free from judgment, but also find understanding and that they are somehow able to love you even more when you're done. Actually, it was only a little while ago when we said goodnight, leaving her to get a few desperate hours of sleep and me choosing to face the new day without any at all.
As I sit here and look back on all those who came before, I realize they all brought me here and helped prepare me for her. And let me tell you, all of it has been worth the while.
No comments:
Post a Comment