My Spiel

You said you woke up in a dark place, something I'm all too familiar with. Then you proceeded to talk about the fears growing within; how nothing in this life is certain and at any moment everything could be ripped away. I say some things I shouldn't and make a promise or two I really have no way of keeping. As always, this only seems to make things worse.

My MP3 player suddenly plays "Low Fidelity" by The Spill Canvas (click title for the song) and a lot of its words hit home.

It's times like this when being 800 miles away from you and the wait until the distance is closed are almost too painful to bear, because I know sometimes all it would take is having me next to you to help ease your mind when my words fail to quell the storms raging inside you.

So, I call you, hoping maybe hearing my voice will do the trick. It doesn't. I'm a nurturer, Ana, and you know this. It's in my nature to try and ease your troubled mind and mend your heart when it is sick, but all this seems to do is cause you to become more agitated. Then you say something I won't repeat here which provides the final piece of the puzzle.

So, this is when I step back to let you sort through your thoughts as I figure out a better way to approach these kind of situations. While we are similar in many ways, we are completely different in others, especially in regards to how we deal with our emotions.

You say the friends who always make you feel better are the ones who are good listeners. Whenever you would come to me, I'd give you one of my spiels (as you call them) and my words would blow up in my face. I finally realize that I've been treating you the way I like to be treated, instead of being there for you in the way which brings you solace.

From now on, when you find yourself in the darkness this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to let you talk to me about it when you're ready and I'm simply going to listen to every word. Then, I'll type everything I want to say here,this way if you'd like to hear my spiel you know where to find it. I'll be more than happy to talk about it if you so choose, but if not at least we both get a chance to say what we both need to in a more constructive way.

I'll leave you with this...

You're right, many things are uncertain in this world, but what we have is not one of them. We've got just over 50 days left until we are together, and when looking back on how far we've already come, it seems silly to let the fears take over now.

Another thing you can count on?

I love you very much and want nothing more than to spend the rest of our lives together.