So much has changed over the last several months. I’ve said goodbye to everyone I knew, most of which only brought me down anyway, quit a job I hated and moved several states away to be with the only woman I’ve ever loved. So, yeah, things in my new life are much better than the one I’ve left behind. I’ve been dying to tell you about it all, which is something that’s proved difficult.
See, I’ve tried almost every day to sit down and write like I used to…but I can’t. Instead, I just stare at a blank screen and wait for words that never materialize. They don’t come easy to me like they once did and it’s not due to a lack of things to talk about. Lately it’s growing more and more evident that there’s only one part of my old lifestyle I truly miss.
It’s been my release since I was 19 and become crucial to the process of what I think defines me most. I’d like to talk about it, but when I bring it up I feel guilty, for various reasons, and it’s the one thing I don’t think she understands.
I’ve been trying to think of more to say, but again, it’s proving difficult. I just wanted to let you know that I am doing well. Maybe someday the words will come and, when they do, you’ll be the first to know.
I understand EXACTLY!!!
ReplyDeleteI know you miss writing, it's been an emotional outlet for you for a long time, but it was your ONLY emotional outlet. Now you have more healthy emotions, more healthy emotional outlets, and you don't need writing anymore as you used to. You've only had writing for so long as your only cathartic release.
The words will come again, happier words. For now, enjoy the emotional stability for a change, revel in it.
This leaves an empty spot inside, as any change does, but I know another even larger spot inside has been filled as never before.
Your happy words will find the need for release once you get used to them. This is a difference, but it's not a negative difference. Love you, as always...... ~Donna