Restless
Ugh...I'm out of ambien and can't sleep. It's kind of sad when you need a pill to make you do the things that should come naturally. Plus, there's too much on my mind.
I had the second meeting with my artist today and I've gotta say, the shit we're churning out is amazing. It's a weird feeling, to have something stew in your head for so long, then describe it to someone and then for them to put it on paper visually. The more into the project we get, the more and more epic it becomes. In all honesty it might take close to a decade to tell the whole story. (in comic book form) I promise you this, though, it will be worth it.
Every other facet of my life seems to be slowing down. Last year was such a mess, I'm still adjusting to how to deal with the calm. I used to thrive in chaos, it was where I was most comfortable, because it was all I had ever known. But now here I am, things aren't perfect, but they are the best they've ever been for me. It's kind of nice having something to work towards and a future worth looking forward to.
I had the second meeting with my artist today and I've gotta say, the shit we're churning out is amazing. It's a weird feeling, to have something stew in your head for so long, then describe it to someone and then for them to put it on paper visually. The more into the project we get, the more and more epic it becomes. In all honesty it might take close to a decade to tell the whole story. (in comic book form) I promise you this, though, it will be worth it.
Every other facet of my life seems to be slowing down. Last year was such a mess, I'm still adjusting to how to deal with the calm. I used to thrive in chaos, it was where I was most comfortable, because it was all I had ever known. But now here I am, things aren't perfect, but they are the best they've ever been for me. It's kind of nice having something to work towards and a future worth looking forward to.
Chapter 4: The Sadist's Epistle (Halfway across the country)
It's 10 o'clock at night. He should have been home three hours ago, but his boss wouldn't let him out until he finished the Gillespie account. This meant that he missed his bus and now has to wait another hour for the next one. Last time he checked, public transportation was supposed to be a convenience, but in practice it just proves to be a giant pain in the ass.
His ride finally arrives and he pays the fare before sitting down. The bus is surprisingly full for this time of night. A couple of teenagers in the back are playing music from a boom box at an annoyingly high volume. The person two seats behind him is coughing her lungs up and it made him wonder what he's going to catch on the ride home. He looks at all the other passengers that occupy the bus with him. Their collected scents hang thick in the air and it makes him nauseous. He hates all of them.
Twenty minutes later, he is finally dropped off at his stop and he can enjoy the five minute walk to his house, alone. The night air cools him and it helps to cleanse his nostrils of the vermin's scent. Before he knows it, he's already at his front door. He looks back over his shoulder as he works the key in the lock and lets himself inside.
He sits his bag and keys down on the table by the door and then goes into the kitchen to grab a beer. He opens it, chugs it and grabs another before going to sit in the living room. He turns on the TV and begins to get comfortable. The long day had made him even more tired than he initially thought, because he falls asleep to the sounds of the local news in less than five minutes.………..
The sun shining through the living room window stings his eyes. He smacks his lips and tries his best to alleviate the cotton mouth he had acquired during his slumber. He stands up and winces, because his back aches from sleeping upright in the chair for the entire night. It's at this point that he notices that the TV set is turned off.
'That's odd,' He thinks to himself. 'I could've sworn I had left it on." He shrugs it off before going to the kitchen to cook himself some breakfast.
He opens the fridge and gets out a carton of eggs and orange juice. He shuts the door and glances at the kitchen table. His spine runs cold. Now sitting on it's polished, wooden surface is the head of a young woman. Resting in her mouth is an envelope. Someone had broken in and put it there while he was sleeping.
He slowly walks toward it, his hands shaking. When he gets about five feet away he breathes a sigh of relief. The head's fake. Whoever made it did a fantastic job, though. The woman actually looks just like them. He reaches into its mouth and pulls out the envelope. The letter inside reads:Mr. Cade,
We know who you are. Better than that, we know what you are and we know where you hide your bodies. We have a proposition for you.
One week from tonight, hundreds of those like you from around the world will congregate in a certain city for one evening. This will be where we hold our game. The object is simple; see who can get the most kills in a ten hour period. Do you think you've got what it takes to be the best? Then come and prove it. Not only do you get the title, but you'll also receive 100 million dollars in cash and a one way plane ticket to the destination of your choosing. Within the next twenty four hours, you will receive all the information that you need. We'll be in touch
Ps. If you don't participate, we are going to the police with all the evidence we have against you. Just something to keep in mind.
He read it three times before putting it down. He knew he should be furious, but this was just too intriguing. A whole night for serial killers to go wild? He smiled just thinking about the possibilities. He then looked at the severed head on the table. They even modeled it after the type of women he usually hunted for. Definitely a nice touch.
His ride finally arrives and he pays the fare before sitting down. The bus is surprisingly full for this time of night. A couple of teenagers in the back are playing music from a boom box at an annoyingly high volume. The person two seats behind him is coughing her lungs up and it made him wonder what he's going to catch on the ride home. He looks at all the other passengers that occupy the bus with him. Their collected scents hang thick in the air and it makes him nauseous. He hates all of them.
Twenty minutes later, he is finally dropped off at his stop and he can enjoy the five minute walk to his house, alone. The night air cools him and it helps to cleanse his nostrils of the vermin's scent. Before he knows it, he's already at his front door. He looks back over his shoulder as he works the key in the lock and lets himself inside.
He sits his bag and keys down on the table by the door and then goes into the kitchen to grab a beer. He opens it, chugs it and grabs another before going to sit in the living room. He turns on the TV and begins to get comfortable. The long day had made him even more tired than he initially thought, because he falls asleep to the sounds of the local news in less than five minutes.………..
The sun shining through the living room window stings his eyes. He smacks his lips and tries his best to alleviate the cotton mouth he had acquired during his slumber. He stands up and winces, because his back aches from sleeping upright in the chair for the entire night. It's at this point that he notices that the TV set is turned off.
'That's odd,' He thinks to himself. 'I could've sworn I had left it on." He shrugs it off before going to the kitchen to cook himself some breakfast.
He opens the fridge and gets out a carton of eggs and orange juice. He shuts the door and glances at the kitchen table. His spine runs cold. Now sitting on it's polished, wooden surface is the head of a young woman. Resting in her mouth is an envelope. Someone had broken in and put it there while he was sleeping.
He slowly walks toward it, his hands shaking. When he gets about five feet away he breathes a sigh of relief. The head's fake. Whoever made it did a fantastic job, though. The woman actually looks just like them. He reaches into its mouth and pulls out the envelope. The letter inside reads:Mr. Cade,
We know who you are. Better than that, we know what you are and we know where you hide your bodies. We have a proposition for you.
One week from tonight, hundreds of those like you from around the world will congregate in a certain city for one evening. This will be where we hold our game. The object is simple; see who can get the most kills in a ten hour period. Do you think you've got what it takes to be the best? Then come and prove it. Not only do you get the title, but you'll also receive 100 million dollars in cash and a one way plane ticket to the destination of your choosing. Within the next twenty four hours, you will receive all the information that you need. We'll be in touch
Ps. If you don't participate, we are going to the police with all the evidence we have against you. Just something to keep in mind.
He read it three times before putting it down. He knew he should be furious, but this was just too intriguing. A whole night for serial killers to go wild? He smiled just thinking about the possibilities. He then looked at the severed head on the table. They even modeled it after the type of women he usually hunted for. Definitely a nice touch.
Chapter 3: Commination (Uriel)
Everything in the room is covered in blood. There are three bodies: one civilian and two cops. They didn't even have a chance. The woman was with child, but Belith had torn the baby from her womb. One officer is lying on his back, his throat gone. The other is curled in the fetal position. Wait a second...there's a whimper that's barely audible. He's still alive and, from the sound of it, bordering on hysteria. I rush over to his side to assess the damage.
"Officer, can you hear me?" He doesn't even acknowledge my presence.
"I need to know if you're ok." His eyes dart all over the room before they finally meet mine. His mouth gapes and his eyes now go wide.
"You're...you're an angel, aren't you?" He asks.
This just got interesting.
"What are you talking about?" I'm tying to do my best to hide the shock.
"You have wings. I can see them. They shine." His face contorts with sadness. "Does this mean I'm dead? Am I in heaven?"
"No, you're still alive. Just take it easy. You're safe, now."
He nods before he passes out again. This hasn't happened in over a thousand years and doesn't bode well with me. It's supposed to be the other way around, they're not supposed to see through us. This really isn't good, now we've gotta take him with us.
.......................
"I forgot how fast this guy was." Gabriel says to himself.
Belith is about fifty yards in front of him, but he's closing the gap more and more with each passing second. Michael is nowhere to be found. He hates to try and attack his opponent alone, but at the same time he can't let him get away. They've come too far to let him get away now.
Gabriel flaps his wings harder and harder as Belith leaps from trees to houses. He can here the demon's laughter and taunts, which only adds to his determination. 40 feet. 30. 20. 10. Almost there.
Gabe brings his sword over his head to lay the first strike. Without warning, Belith turns around in mid air and grabs him by the face. With his free hand he grabs the angel's right wing and snaps the bone, sending them both to the street below. Gabriel screams in pain as his opponent rolls them over and uses him to break their fall.
Still clutching his face, Belith slams his head over and over into the concrete. The cement starts to crack from the impacts and Gabriel comes dangerously close to passing out.
"Don't fade out on me yet, boy. I want you to stay awake while I bust your Goddamn head open!" Belith screams.
Gabe winces. Those words hurt more than the physical injuries. His skull cracks loudly and the demon's enthusiasm increases. His sinuses are starting to fill with blood.
It happened so fast he could barely register the movement. All he knew is that the demon was no longer on top of him. He looks to his left to see him lying on the ground with Michael walking towards him.
"Took you long enough!" He yells at his partner.
"You're the one that always runs into battle half-cocked. Now, am I gonna have to do this by myself? Get up and fight!"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. My brain's just leaking out of my skull, but I'm fine, thanks for asking." Gabe says as he gets up, retrieves his sword and goes to stand next to Michael.
Belith is laughing as he stands up to face them. "Gabriel and Michael...been a long time." He tilts his head until his neck cracks. "How's the pops? Still sitting in his ivory tower with that self righteous stick up his ass?"
"Don't." Is all Michael can spit out.
"What? Strike a nerve?" The demon asks with a smile. He then claps his hands together. "Well, as fun as sitting here fighting you two sounds, I've should get going. There are big plans that I really must attend to." And then he's just gone.
"Huh...what do you think he met by that?" Gabriel asks his friend.
"Who the hell knows. Come on. We better go back." Michael says right before flying back in the direction they just came from.
"Yeah, I just hope Uriel is having a better night than we are."
"Officer, can you hear me?" He doesn't even acknowledge my presence.
"I need to know if you're ok." His eyes dart all over the room before they finally meet mine. His mouth gapes and his eyes now go wide.
"You're...you're an angel, aren't you?" He asks.
This just got interesting.
"What are you talking about?" I'm tying to do my best to hide the shock.
"You have wings. I can see them. They shine." His face contorts with sadness. "Does this mean I'm dead? Am I in heaven?"
"No, you're still alive. Just take it easy. You're safe, now."
He nods before he passes out again. This hasn't happened in over a thousand years and doesn't bode well with me. It's supposed to be the other way around, they're not supposed to see through us. This really isn't good, now we've gotta take him with us.
.......................
"I forgot how fast this guy was." Gabriel says to himself.
Belith is about fifty yards in front of him, but he's closing the gap more and more with each passing second. Michael is nowhere to be found. He hates to try and attack his opponent alone, but at the same time he can't let him get away. They've come too far to let him get away now.
Gabriel flaps his wings harder and harder as Belith leaps from trees to houses. He can here the demon's laughter and taunts, which only adds to his determination. 40 feet. 30. 20. 10. Almost there.
Gabe brings his sword over his head to lay the first strike. Without warning, Belith turns around in mid air and grabs him by the face. With his free hand he grabs the angel's right wing and snaps the bone, sending them both to the street below. Gabriel screams in pain as his opponent rolls them over and uses him to break their fall.
Still clutching his face, Belith slams his head over and over into the concrete. The cement starts to crack from the impacts and Gabriel comes dangerously close to passing out.
"Don't fade out on me yet, boy. I want you to stay awake while I bust your Goddamn head open!" Belith screams.
Gabe winces. Those words hurt more than the physical injuries. His skull cracks loudly and the demon's enthusiasm increases. His sinuses are starting to fill with blood.
It happened so fast he could barely register the movement. All he knew is that the demon was no longer on top of him. He looks to his left to see him lying on the ground with Michael walking towards him.
"Took you long enough!" He yells at his partner.
"You're the one that always runs into battle half-cocked. Now, am I gonna have to do this by myself? Get up and fight!"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. My brain's just leaking out of my skull, but I'm fine, thanks for asking." Gabe says as he gets up, retrieves his sword and goes to stand next to Michael.
Belith is laughing as he stands up to face them. "Gabriel and Michael...been a long time." He tilts his head until his neck cracks. "How's the pops? Still sitting in his ivory tower with that self righteous stick up his ass?"
"Don't." Is all Michael can spit out.
"What? Strike a nerve?" The demon asks with a smile. He then claps his hands together. "Well, as fun as sitting here fighting you two sounds, I've should get going. There are big plans that I really must attend to." And then he's just gone.
"Huh...what do you think he met by that?" Gabriel asks his friend.
"Who the hell knows. Come on. We better go back." Michael says right before flying back in the direction they just came from.
"Yeah, I just hope Uriel is having a better night than we are."
Harbinger Ch 2: Smells like...trouble. (Uriel)
The trail ran cold three days ago. The traveling makes me weary and the lack of activity makes me itch. You'd be amazed at how quickly the hunt gets old. Tonight is just like last night, which is just like the week, month, years before it. I can't remember the last time I saw home and being away makes me ache. Once this job is done we'll just move on to the next. Nothing ever changes.
Michael is in the backseat hanging his head out of the window. He always says that he feels more at peace with the wind in his face. His quiet, gentle demeanor is a stark contrast to his hulking features. He's the biggest out of the three of us and is often the voice of reason. Just don't piss him off.
Gabriel is driving, paying more attention to flipping between radio stations than the actual road itself. We barely hear more than five seconds of any song before he cycles onto the next. It's giving me a headache. Finally, he comes to a stop on “Heart Shaped Box” by Nirvana.
“Oh, hell yeah!” He exclaims as he sits back in his seat.
“Can't we listen to something else?” Michael complains behind us. This is gonna get ugly.
“What did you just say?” Gabriel takes his music way too seriously.
“Change it, man. I hate this band.” I watch the exchange go back and forth like a tennis match.
“How dare you speak ill of Nirvana! Do you have any idea how much of an impact these guys have had? They're this generation's Beatles.”
“Oh, please. The Beatles had talent, stood the test of time and you can actually understand what they're saying. Nirvana was just another band lifted from obscurity by controversy.”
“Cobain was a lyrical genius.”
“No, Kurt was a martyr that all the little pissed off kids out there could pass off as their own voice. Now his image is nothing more than a T-shirt that's used as rebellion through conformity.”
“Fuck, that. He was a...”
“Watch yourself, Gabe. Isn't there a rule against holding false idols?” I ask him.
“Sorry, Uriel. You just have to keep in mind...” This is where I just stop listening.
He's close. I can sense him. So can the others, because they're not talking anymore. Gabe takes a left on Fulton, a small residential street. As soon as we do, my nose fills with the scent of blood. He's here and we're already to late.
We drive by a two story house just as window on the top floor explodes, sending glass and debris into the yard below. A silver mass flies out of it and disappears into the night. It's Berith. This is worse than I first thought.
Gabe slams on the breaks, grabs his sword from the backseat and climbs out of the car.
“Time to go to work.” Michael says before joining Gabe outside. I grab my sword and follow.
“You two go after him.” I order them. “I'm going to check the house for survivors.”
Gabe unsheathes his sword and spreads his brown wings. “For Kurt!” He screams as he flies off in pursuit.
“Make sure you look after him. You know how he can get.”
Michael nods and follows our partner into the darkness. They're going after a demon of the first hierarchy. As I watch them go I pray that I'll get to see them again.
Michael is in the backseat hanging his head out of the window. He always says that he feels more at peace with the wind in his face. His quiet, gentle demeanor is a stark contrast to his hulking features. He's the biggest out of the three of us and is often the voice of reason. Just don't piss him off.
Gabriel is driving, paying more attention to flipping between radio stations than the actual road itself. We barely hear more than five seconds of any song before he cycles onto the next. It's giving me a headache. Finally, he comes to a stop on “Heart Shaped Box” by Nirvana.
“Oh, hell yeah!” He exclaims as he sits back in his seat.
“Can't we listen to something else?” Michael complains behind us. This is gonna get ugly.
“What did you just say?” Gabriel takes his music way too seriously.
“Change it, man. I hate this band.” I watch the exchange go back and forth like a tennis match.
“How dare you speak ill of Nirvana! Do you have any idea how much of an impact these guys have had? They're this generation's Beatles.”
“Oh, please. The Beatles had talent, stood the test of time and you can actually understand what they're saying. Nirvana was just another band lifted from obscurity by controversy.”
“Cobain was a lyrical genius.”
“No, Kurt was a martyr that all the little pissed off kids out there could pass off as their own voice. Now his image is nothing more than a T-shirt that's used as rebellion through conformity.”
“Fuck, that. He was a...”
“Watch yourself, Gabe. Isn't there a rule against holding false idols?” I ask him.
“Sorry, Uriel. You just have to keep in mind...” This is where I just stop listening.
He's close. I can sense him. So can the others, because they're not talking anymore. Gabe takes a left on Fulton, a small residential street. As soon as we do, my nose fills with the scent of blood. He's here and we're already to late.
We drive by a two story house just as window on the top floor explodes, sending glass and debris into the yard below. A silver mass flies out of it and disappears into the night. It's Berith. This is worse than I first thought.
Gabe slams on the breaks, grabs his sword from the backseat and climbs out of the car.
“Time to go to work.” Michael says before joining Gabe outside. I grab my sword and follow.
“You two go after him.” I order them. “I'm going to check the house for survivors.”
Gabe unsheathes his sword and spreads his brown wings. “For Kurt!” He screams as he flies off in pursuit.
“Make sure you look after him. You know how he can get.”
Michael nods and follows our partner into the darkness. They're going after a demon of the first hierarchy. As I watch them go I pray that I'll get to see them again.
Harbinger Ch. 1: Anything but Routine (Jerry)
Have you ever seen an angel? I’m not referring to the false idols from movie screens and music videos we’ve grown so fond of putting on pedestals. No, I'm talking about the sent from heaven, full wingspan type. You know, the genuine article. I'll never forget the first time I did. I was curled up into a ball on the floor of the dead woman's room soaked in blood and vomit. The blood was hers, the vomit mine. He looked to be in his mid-twenties, the type you wouldn’t look twice at on the street. Well, if he didn't have wings, anyway. The only other thing that really caught my attention was his face. He looked hardened, but at the same time vulnerable with a touch of innocence that should have been lost long since childhood. Oh, and he had this stare. It penetrated you to your core, as if he could see directly into your soul. It chilled me.
It's funny how things work out sometimes. Well, maybe funny's not the right word, let's go with odd. Sorry, you'll have to forgive my inability to focus. I've lost a lot of blood and I'm not sure how much longer I've got. In my last moments I keep finding my mind drifting back to that night. If another car answered that call, I wouldn't be here now and I'd still remain blissfully ignorant of the horrors just over the horizon. And to think, I was almost home...
........................
“...and she actually expects me to let her stay with us! I mean, can you imagine a whole week with her mother? I swear, I was actually hoping I'd get shot tonight so that I wouldn't have to deal with her.”
My partner's been bitching about his mother in law for the last three hours now. I don't think I've said more than three words the whole time. Luckily, our shift's almost over and we're less than halfway back to the station.
This job has been taking its toll on me and I've started getting burnt out. It's reached the point that I can't wait to take this badge off. But, 45 minutes from now, I'll be comfortable in my bed next to my wife and watching bad reality TV. That thought always makes even the worst days seem OK. I'm already feeling warm and fuzzy inside.
“Car 67, car 67. Pick up.” It was Alex, our dispatcher and my soon to be least favorite person on the planet.
“This is Dalton, go ahead.” My partner answers.
“We've just got a call for a possible domestic disturbance. A neighbor said she heard weird sounds coming from the house next door. It's close to your area, can you check it out?”
“Oh, yeah. Sure thing.” Apparently, my partner isn't in nearly as big a hurry to get home as I am.
She gives us the address and we arrive at the house in less than two minutes. We find ourselves parked in front of a modest two story home that sits on a quiet suburban street. The only light in the entire place is coming from a television set in one of the rooms on the top floor.
“Let's just get this over with.” I mutter as I climb out of the cruiser.
Dalton makes his way to the front door and I decide to check out the rest. The door to back gate is lying off its hinges and I begin to get a very bad feeling. I follow the stone path that leads to the backyard. It's a typical setup; it’s got the grill, doghouse and some lawn furniture. I take one more step forward and almost slip on something slick in the grass. I pull out my flashlight, turn it on and aim the beam towards my feet.
“Oh, shit.” That's a lot of blood.
I follow its trail with my flashlight until I find the source, a medium size dog. I can't tell which breed, because in order to do that I'd need to see the head. It's stomach was also ripped to shreds, the contents leaking out everywhere. The assailant, like the head, is nowhere to be found.
I aim the light back at the house and discover that the sliding glass door is shattered. Whoever did this was already inside. I unclip my holster and get my weapon at the ready.
“No one's answering the front door. Ready to...” Dalton starts to say as he enters the backyard.
His face grows white as he puts all the pieces together for himself.
I put a finger up to my mouth, signaling for him to stay quiet and he pulls his weapon out of its holster. Silently, we make our way to the back door with me taking point. We step through the broken glass and I see the dog's head lying on the floor six feet in front of me. There's movement in one of the rooms above us. Heavy footsteps. Then, a muffled cry. We have to move, now.
Abandoning all sense of reason I fly through the kitchen and find the stairs. My partner doesn't even reach the foot of them when I clear the top. The second door on my left has a faint light drifting underneath it, making it easier to see the growing stain on the carpet.
“What the fuck are you doing, tearing off like that? Jesus, Jerry, that's how you get yourself killed.” My partner scolds me in a whisper. Then his eyes find the stain I've been staring at.
I take the left side of the door, he takes the right. Dalton bangs on the door and yells to whoever's inside. “This is the police. We're coming in. If you have any weapons or hostages, it'd be really smart if you'd relinquish them now.”
Something inside the room is laughing and I've never heard anything like it. It's guttural...and wet. My partner and I look at each other and he nods. He moves in front of the door and kicks it. Once. Twice. Three times gives us entry and he steps inside. I follow quickly behind him and stop dead. I look around and my mind splinters.
The TV is showing only static. There's blood on the ceiling. The mattress. Walls. Everything. I didn't know the human body held that much. Resting on the bed is a woman and she's long since passed. Her face is covered in lacerations, her blouse ripped off and her stomach is hollowed out. Before this attack, she had been pregnant. My heart breaks. That's when my focus switches to...it.
It's covered in silver scales that reflect back the light from the TV. It's wearing a tapestry of human skin for clothing. The creature's eyes radiate a pale green light. The mouth opens and closes, revealing a set of teeth full of gore. Its fingertips don't reveal talons, meaning it used brute force to pull apart its victims. They also held the remains of a still born child. The creature took it up to its mouth and swallowed the rest whole.
“Mother of God.” I gasp.
“You can go ahead and save your prayers.” The creature says as it licks its lips. It then looks up and stares me dead in the eyes. “God’s not here.”
I didn't even see it move. In less than a blink, I'm knocked onto the floor and my partner is getting his throat ripped out. How can it be that fast? My partner is dead before he hits the floor and the monster's heading my way. Instinctively, I pull up my gun and empty the clip point blank into its chest and face, sending it backwards to the ground.
I can't control my breathing and I think my heart is about to burst. I start to cycle between crying and fits of vomiting. There's movement from the other side of the room. I look up and see the creature standing, the bullets didn't even penetrate the scales. What the hell is this thing?
“Well,” it says mockingly, “that was a lot of fun. We'll have to do it again sometime, soon.”
Suddenly, the window behind it shatters outward and the monster gets sucked through it, disappearing into the night. This is the last thing I remember before blacking out.
It's funny how things work out sometimes. Well, maybe funny's not the right word, let's go with odd. Sorry, you'll have to forgive my inability to focus. I've lost a lot of blood and I'm not sure how much longer I've got. In my last moments I keep finding my mind drifting back to that night. If another car answered that call, I wouldn't be here now and I'd still remain blissfully ignorant of the horrors just over the horizon. And to think, I was almost home...
........................
“...and she actually expects me to let her stay with us! I mean, can you imagine a whole week with her mother? I swear, I was actually hoping I'd get shot tonight so that I wouldn't have to deal with her.”
My partner's been bitching about his mother in law for the last three hours now. I don't think I've said more than three words the whole time. Luckily, our shift's almost over and we're less than halfway back to the station.
This job has been taking its toll on me and I've started getting burnt out. It's reached the point that I can't wait to take this badge off. But, 45 minutes from now, I'll be comfortable in my bed next to my wife and watching bad reality TV. That thought always makes even the worst days seem OK. I'm already feeling warm and fuzzy inside.
“Car 67, car 67. Pick up.” It was Alex, our dispatcher and my soon to be least favorite person on the planet.
“This is Dalton, go ahead.” My partner answers.
“We've just got a call for a possible domestic disturbance. A neighbor said she heard weird sounds coming from the house next door. It's close to your area, can you check it out?”
“Oh, yeah. Sure thing.” Apparently, my partner isn't in nearly as big a hurry to get home as I am.
She gives us the address and we arrive at the house in less than two minutes. We find ourselves parked in front of a modest two story home that sits on a quiet suburban street. The only light in the entire place is coming from a television set in one of the rooms on the top floor.
“Let's just get this over with.” I mutter as I climb out of the cruiser.
Dalton makes his way to the front door and I decide to check out the rest. The door to back gate is lying off its hinges and I begin to get a very bad feeling. I follow the stone path that leads to the backyard. It's a typical setup; it’s got the grill, doghouse and some lawn furniture. I take one more step forward and almost slip on something slick in the grass. I pull out my flashlight, turn it on and aim the beam towards my feet.
“Oh, shit.” That's a lot of blood.
I follow its trail with my flashlight until I find the source, a medium size dog. I can't tell which breed, because in order to do that I'd need to see the head. It's stomach was also ripped to shreds, the contents leaking out everywhere. The assailant, like the head, is nowhere to be found.
I aim the light back at the house and discover that the sliding glass door is shattered. Whoever did this was already inside. I unclip my holster and get my weapon at the ready.
“No one's answering the front door. Ready to...” Dalton starts to say as he enters the backyard.
His face grows white as he puts all the pieces together for himself.
I put a finger up to my mouth, signaling for him to stay quiet and he pulls his weapon out of its holster. Silently, we make our way to the back door with me taking point. We step through the broken glass and I see the dog's head lying on the floor six feet in front of me. There's movement in one of the rooms above us. Heavy footsteps. Then, a muffled cry. We have to move, now.
Abandoning all sense of reason I fly through the kitchen and find the stairs. My partner doesn't even reach the foot of them when I clear the top. The second door on my left has a faint light drifting underneath it, making it easier to see the growing stain on the carpet.
“What the fuck are you doing, tearing off like that? Jesus, Jerry, that's how you get yourself killed.” My partner scolds me in a whisper. Then his eyes find the stain I've been staring at.
I take the left side of the door, he takes the right. Dalton bangs on the door and yells to whoever's inside. “This is the police. We're coming in. If you have any weapons or hostages, it'd be really smart if you'd relinquish them now.”
Something inside the room is laughing and I've never heard anything like it. It's guttural...and wet. My partner and I look at each other and he nods. He moves in front of the door and kicks it. Once. Twice. Three times gives us entry and he steps inside. I follow quickly behind him and stop dead. I look around and my mind splinters.
The TV is showing only static. There's blood on the ceiling. The mattress. Walls. Everything. I didn't know the human body held that much. Resting on the bed is a woman and she's long since passed. Her face is covered in lacerations, her blouse ripped off and her stomach is hollowed out. Before this attack, she had been pregnant. My heart breaks. That's when my focus switches to...it.
It's covered in silver scales that reflect back the light from the TV. It's wearing a tapestry of human skin for clothing. The creature's eyes radiate a pale green light. The mouth opens and closes, revealing a set of teeth full of gore. Its fingertips don't reveal talons, meaning it used brute force to pull apart its victims. They also held the remains of a still born child. The creature took it up to its mouth and swallowed the rest whole.
“Mother of God.” I gasp.
“You can go ahead and save your prayers.” The creature says as it licks its lips. It then looks up and stares me dead in the eyes. “God’s not here.”
I didn't even see it move. In less than a blink, I'm knocked onto the floor and my partner is getting his throat ripped out. How can it be that fast? My partner is dead before he hits the floor and the monster's heading my way. Instinctively, I pull up my gun and empty the clip point blank into its chest and face, sending it backwards to the ground.
I can't control my breathing and I think my heart is about to burst. I start to cycle between crying and fits of vomiting. There's movement from the other side of the room. I look up and see the creature standing, the bullets didn't even penetrate the scales. What the hell is this thing?
“Well,” it says mockingly, “that was a lot of fun. We'll have to do it again sometime, soon.”
Suddenly, the window behind it shatters outward and the monster gets sucked through it, disappearing into the night. This is the last thing I remember before blacking out.
Please, I really need your help.
All I want in this world is to be a writer. I guess I already am in the loosest sense of the term, but I want to do it professionally. I've already written my first book and I'm trying to get it published. It's not easy. I need some way to make noise and I've come up with a few ideas.
This is where you come in. (Don't worry, I'm not asking for money. Not turning it down either, though) I've had coversations with you, Danni and Secret Blogger. You've both told me that this stuff has helped you out, however mildly. I want to be able to do that for as many people as I can, but that can never happen if no one knows how to find it. All I'm asking is that if you dig what you read here, just pass it on. Tell people about it. Scratch the web address (http://www.davlinisnotyourfriend.blogspot.com/) on bathroom walls. Write on the foreheads of hobos as they sleep. I don't care, just please help me get the word out. If I make enough noise, maybe something big will happen. I also don't forget those that help and support what I do.
I also wanted to let you know about something that's going to be taking place in this blog. I've been working on three projects, all of which I've put excerpts on here. (HSH, The Mark and Harbinger) The Mark is a book that I've been working on since I was seventeen, and the prologue is all that I'll put on here. I'm like a drug dealer, that first taste is all that's free. However, I will be releasing the prequel, Harbinger, episodically on this website. Look for the first chapter in the next day or so. The ultimate goal is to turn this into a graphic novel, but the story will be told here first. When the mark does get published I want to release a companion book with it. It will be a collection of stories set during the storm that takes place in the prologue. It will be a chance for unknown writers to make a name for themselves and it's something I'm excited about. There will still be the usual stuff you've come to expect from this blog, but there will also be much more.
Spread the word.
This is where you come in. (Don't worry, I'm not asking for money. Not turning it down either, though) I've had coversations with you, Danni and Secret Blogger. You've both told me that this stuff has helped you out, however mildly. I want to be able to do that for as many people as I can, but that can never happen if no one knows how to find it. All I'm asking is that if you dig what you read here, just pass it on. Tell people about it. Scratch the web address (http://www.davlinisnotyourfriend.blogspot.com/) on bathroom walls. Write on the foreheads of hobos as they sleep. I don't care, just please help me get the word out. If I make enough noise, maybe something big will happen. I also don't forget those that help and support what I do.
I also wanted to let you know about something that's going to be taking place in this blog. I've been working on three projects, all of which I've put excerpts on here. (HSH, The Mark and Harbinger) The Mark is a book that I've been working on since I was seventeen, and the prologue is all that I'll put on here. I'm like a drug dealer, that first taste is all that's free. However, I will be releasing the prequel, Harbinger, episodically on this website. Look for the first chapter in the next day or so. The ultimate goal is to turn this into a graphic novel, but the story will be told here first. When the mark does get published I want to release a companion book with it. It will be a collection of stories set during the storm that takes place in the prologue. It will be a chance for unknown writers to make a name for themselves and it's something I'm excited about. There will still be the usual stuff you've come to expect from this blog, but there will also be much more.
Spread the word.
Harbinger-an excerpt
It always starts out exactly the same way, with total darkness. I can't see anything, but the dins of war are overwhelming. Metal scrapes against metal. Thousands of wings rustle together in flight. Battle cries and screams of anguish can be heard from all directions. Then, there are the wet sounds of liquid splashing across the ground, always followed by a heavy weight. I open my eyes and gasp.
For millennia, we've lived in peace. There was never so much as a harsh word spoken between any of us. That's all over, now. After tonight nothing will ever be the same again. The fighting stretches far beyond my eye's capabilities to follow. The sky fills with the sounds of heavy sobs.
Father is crying.
Something heavy strikes my right temple, sending me to the ground. I drop my sword and my assailant kicks it away before I get a chance to retrieve it. My head is filled with a blinding white light that makes it impossible to see who is standing above me.
"Do you want to live?" The voice asks. It's him.
My vision kicks back in. His blonde hair flows in the wind behind him. His light blue eyes gleam with hatred. His golden armor and perfect face are stained in red. The point of his sword is at my throat. He started all of this.
The Morning Star.
"I'm only going to ask you this once more, Michael." He says. "Do you want to live?"
"Yes." is all I can say.
"Then denounce Him."
I was more than thankful for the thunder that brought me out of my nightmare. We have them every night to serve as a reminder. I sit up in my bed that's soaked in sweat and wipe the sleep from my eyes. The glowing red numbers on the alarm clock read 9:17 p.m. Just as well, I needed to get up anyways.
I stand up, stretching my arms and wings as I make my way to the window. The rain is coming down hard. It mixes with discarded motor oil before it reaches the storm drains. It's getting to the point that I can't even remember what this world was like before it became sick, back when it was still clean and untouched. Before men.
A harvest moon hangs in the sky, never a good sign. My cell phone rings and I answer it. Gabriel's on the other end.
"Michael?" He sounded panicked. He never gets that way. Another bad sign.
"Yeah?" "There's been another attack. Man, they're getting more brazen."
"Calm down. What happened?"
"They got a convenience store this time. 9 dead and 1 survivor."
"What kind of demon was it?"
"No. That's just it. It wasn't a demon. It was..." his voice cracked, " the Fallen, man. They're here."
"That's impossible. They're not allowed to come up."
"Yeah, well, apparently things have changed. The woman who survived described them perfectly."
"Them? How many were there? And do we know which ones?"
"There were four of them, not sure about their identities. She could see through us as well. She knew what we were."
"This is insane. First the cop and now her? What's going on, Gabe?"
"I don't know. Something bad is coming. Can you meet us at the usual place?"
"Yeah. I'll be there in thirty minutes." I hung up the phone, got dressed, grabbed my weapons and was out the door in five.
For millennia, we've lived in peace. There was never so much as a harsh word spoken between any of us. That's all over, now. After tonight nothing will ever be the same again. The fighting stretches far beyond my eye's capabilities to follow. The sky fills with the sounds of heavy sobs.
Father is crying.
Something heavy strikes my right temple, sending me to the ground. I drop my sword and my assailant kicks it away before I get a chance to retrieve it. My head is filled with a blinding white light that makes it impossible to see who is standing above me.
"Do you want to live?" The voice asks. It's him.
My vision kicks back in. His blonde hair flows in the wind behind him. His light blue eyes gleam with hatred. His golden armor and perfect face are stained in red. The point of his sword is at my throat. He started all of this.
The Morning Star.
"I'm only going to ask you this once more, Michael." He says. "Do you want to live?"
"Yes." is all I can say.
"Then denounce Him."
I was more than thankful for the thunder that brought me out of my nightmare. We have them every night to serve as a reminder. I sit up in my bed that's soaked in sweat and wipe the sleep from my eyes. The glowing red numbers on the alarm clock read 9:17 p.m. Just as well, I needed to get up anyways.
I stand up, stretching my arms and wings as I make my way to the window. The rain is coming down hard. It mixes with discarded motor oil before it reaches the storm drains. It's getting to the point that I can't even remember what this world was like before it became sick, back when it was still clean and untouched. Before men.
A harvest moon hangs in the sky, never a good sign. My cell phone rings and I answer it. Gabriel's on the other end.
"Michael?" He sounded panicked. He never gets that way. Another bad sign.
"Yeah?" "There's been another attack. Man, they're getting more brazen."
"Calm down. What happened?"
"They got a convenience store this time. 9 dead and 1 survivor."
"What kind of demon was it?"
"No. That's just it. It wasn't a demon. It was..." his voice cracked, " the Fallen, man. They're here."
"That's impossible. They're not allowed to come up."
"Yeah, well, apparently things have changed. The woman who survived described them perfectly."
"Them? How many were there? And do we know which ones?"
"There were four of them, not sure about their identities. She could see through us as well. She knew what we were."
"This is insane. First the cop and now her? What's going on, Gabe?"
"I don't know. Something bad is coming. Can you meet us at the usual place?"
"Yeah. I'll be there in thirty minutes." I hung up the phone, got dressed, grabbed my weapons and was out the door in five.
The Mark: Chapter 1
“I hope you have somewhere else to go, because you no longer have a home here!”
My father's angry words rang heavily inside my ears as the front door of the house slammed shut behind me. I didn't even look back once as I made my way across the yard to my car. This had already happened a few times before, and I knew all my belongings would be waiting for me in the front yard when I returned. I pulled my keys from my pocket, unlocked the car door, and climbed inside. I sighed as I put the key into the ignition. It was only then that I finally looked back towards the house. The hate that brewed inside could even be felt from all the way out to the street. Hopefully, all Dad needed was a little time to cool off, and by the time I got off of work things would be better.
Life had been utter shit ever since Mom died and Dad remarried. For the most part my stepmother was ok, we just didn't see eye to eye on a whole lot of things. I think she viewed my older brother and myself as physical evidence that Dad had once been in love with another woman besides herself, and resented us for it. Samuel, the eldest, got sick of it and left. I hadn't see or heard from him in three years. However, it wasn't all bad.
The best thing that had come from Dad's new union was my younger brother, Nicholas. He had just celebrated his fifth birthday, and watching him grow had been a joy. He was the flower that had grown from the field of shit that was our broken home.
Most of the tensions grew from Samuel, Dad, and myself. Every single night had been a continuation of an ongoing fight that had lasted for six long years. I wasn't even sure what this particular spat had been about. At that point, though, I didn't even care.
“Fuck it,” I muttered to myself as I turned the key. The engine roared to life and I sped off. I was gripping the steering wheel so tightly that my knuckles had turned white. With a shaky hand I turned the radio on full blast and got lost inside a cacophony of guitar and lyrics.
It was about ten minutes later when I pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store that I so reluctantly called my job. Part of me wished I could just keep on driving until I found somewhere better to be, or just simply ran out of gas. Quite frankly, I would've settled for either. I was already half an hour late and I knew the boss would have my ass for it. I pulled into a parking spot and shut off the engine. My hands were still shaking. Why did I always let him get to me like this? I should be used to this by now.
With that thought in mind I climbed out and shut the door behind me. I glanced at the store and then looked up at the sky. I took in the beauty of the blue abyss that had been dotted with clouds. I found solace in the warmth of the sun, and smiled briefly. If I had known that this would be the last time I would ever see it, I probably would have stood there a little bit longer.
“Well, from one hell to another, I guess.” I said to myself as I walked sullenly towards the store. Little did I know how prophetic that throw away comment would soon be.
Halfway to the store's entrance I noticed flakes of snow, slowly wafting down from the sky. Least, that's what I figured it was. Then I remembered that it was August, I live in Texas, and the temperature was a mild 99 degrees. I picked up one of these “flakes.
“Funny,” I thought to myself, “I don't remember the weatherman saying anything about it raining feathers today.”
I looked up and around the parking lot. These feathers were everywhere, ranging in colors and sizes, some over a foot long. Several of them had splashes of a red liquid that made them hit the ground with a splat, staining where ever they had landed. I had no idea what could have caused such a phenomenon, but I was late, so I tossed the feather aside.
The doors opened in front of me, greeting me with a gust of artificially cooled air, and I stepped inside. No more than two seconds in, and the boss was already down my throat.
“Where the hell have you been? Do you realize you were supposed to be here forty five minutes ago?” He interrogated.
“Well, if it helps, sir, I've been in the parking lot for fifteen minutes.” I spat out sarcastically.
“I don't have time for this, get to work or your fired.” He threatened before turning around and walking away.
I flipped him off, went to the time clock, punched in, and started working at my checkout line. God, I hated my job. I saw the worst type of people come through my line: thieves, liars, and, more importantly, the assholes. Days like this made it really hard to keep that fake smile plastered on my face just so I could interact with all the customers.
And then it happened.
My co-worker, Jen, screamed out to me. “Joe, come quick! You've got to see this.” She was standing next to the window with a look of bewilderment and awe on her face.
“Jen, what's wro...” I started to ask as I made my way over to where she stood, but lost my voice at what I saw.
She didn't need to answer anyway. The sight spoke for itself. I looked out the window and up at the sky. It looked like it was on fire. There was simply no other way to describe it. Enormous streams of smoke billowed from the fires and covered the sky like a shroud. The clouds of smoke only grew thicker and darker as the fires consumed the sky. This didn't stop until it and the sun and sky were blacked out, leaving a premature darkness over the city. Burned down to a smoldering blackness, the sky seemed to swallow itself up into darkness, taking the earth with it. It grew so black that all I could see was my reflection in the store window. Looking back, raining feathers didn't seem so strange, considering what followed it. Suddenly, the blackness began to glow with a blood red tint.
That's when the storms came and with a fury. Thunder like I had never heard before echoed from every direction. The glowing sky churned and seethed in a completely unnatural way. The thunder receded, and a silence came. Nobody outside moved. Everyone in the store crowded around the windows, completely frozen. That's when the sky screamed. It let loose an ungodly cry that rattled every window and crumbled loose bits of dust from the ceiling tiles. Then the rain fell. It was a horrible mix of blood and acid.
Those unfortunate enough to be on the streets screamed in agony as the boiling brew fell upon them. I watched in horror and revulsion as the flesh melted off of their bones. It reminded me of one summer I spent with a bucket full of army men, and a very powerful magnifying glass. I felt sick. Sick with sympathy for the poor souls out there. I swallowed down the bile taste that formed inside my mouth. It all happened so fast. I wanted to help the people outside, to open the doors and help them, but they wouldn't even make it that far. To go to them would be suicide.
The tires on the cars melted on the asphalt from the heat that was steadily growing outside. It was so intense that the windows became too hot to even stand near.
Unnatural lightning erupted from the heavens and exploded on the ground in fiery bursts of crimson, obliterating whatever they hit with pyrotechnic displays of destruction. Buildings all around us were being blown down to rubble by awesome winds. My lunchtime options were diminishing rapidly. That's when the lights went out.
Twelve hours later...
It was only when the storms ceased that the emergency lights finally kicked on. This gave us a better view of the chaos that had been wrought all around us. No other buildings surrounded us. It's funny. I had always joked that when the world ended, all that would be left were cockroaches and this god forsaken store. I just never thought I'd actually be right. People started to say that it was a sign from God that we saved.
Everyone was huddled together in fear or silent prayer. I saw a little girl that clutched a teddy bear close to her chest as she whimpered in her mother's arms. I felt a sting of pity when I saw the fear that resided within her eyes.
“Well, at least it's all over.” I said to her gently, hoping it would offer some comfort.
“Everyone, come here! There's something out there!” A man screamed as he looked out the window.
We all made our way to where he was standing and followed his gaze. All I could see was red. Red skies. Red pavement. Red rubble. Red mist...then I saw it. The shadows outside seemed to be alive. There was movement everywhere. The vapors hanging in the air swirled and cloaked the figures, making it impossible to tell who, or what, they were. Then, something came into view.
It looked human, as far as shape and form were concerned. Hunched over as it gated the ground, knees to face and elbows scraping the pavement. Hairless on the few patches of skin it had left, its body wretchedly thin. Every step it took looked like a mile, and it felt as if the creature could reach out from where it stood and grab us through the glass. The arms alone must have been 6 feet long from shoulder to tip. It stood up towering above everything, standing over eight feet tall. Its arms stretched down past its knees and ended with talon tipped fingers. But the creepiest, most horrifying detail was the face.
The corners of its mouth stretched to the back of its skull in a permanent smile that revealed a jumble of needles that can only begin to look like teeth. Thousands of them standing at a messy attention behind its jovial expression. It's face looked like a mans might after it was peeled off a brick wall after a head on collision, flat from forehead to jaw with two in the middle for sniffing out its prey. The tissue of it's scalp and forehead was bulled down over its eyes and tied back behind its head, creating a makeshift blindfold. Its spine jutted out like the teeth of a saw.
A few people in the store rushed to lock and barricade the doors. I knew it was useless. If the bastard wanted in, it'd find a way.
Its head swiveled back and forth as if sniffing the air. It paused, and turned its head to look directly towards us. As its eyeless gaze fell upon us I felt a shiver run down my spine and stay there. My worst fear was confirmed; it knew we were there. The chill was a stark contrast to the head that had grown from outside, but offered no relief. It reached a taloned hand out towards us and I blinked. In the fraction of the second that my eyes were closed, it had already made the distance from where it stood across the parking lot to the window.
“Fuck me,” I gasped.
It tapped the glass with a single clawed finger, and I watched as its smile grew even larger, tightening the skin around the face. I looked behind it and saw why. Hundreds of creatures just like it came out from the shadows and joined him at the window. Most of them were smaller than him, but some were bigger. It didn't make a difference what size they were, though, they all seemed just as deadly. Some had no skin over where their eyes should have been, just empty holes. Every one different in its own way, and yet the same.
Some people inside screamed and began to run to the back of the building, while others just stood in their place, paralyzed. Unfortunately, I was with the latter, and I've seen enough horror movies to know better. As if on cue, all the creatures opened up their mouths and let loose screams that shook the windows until they shattered inwards. Some of the people around me had blood pouring from their ears, a sign their eardrums had burst.
The creatures flowed into the store like water from a crumbling dam. They whirled through the crowd of stunned patrons, randomly slaughtering anyone in their path. Screams of agony could be heard from all directions. I stood there dumbfounded until one of them backhanded me. I flew back, bounced off a checkout counter, and landed hard on the floor. It was already on top of me. I gazed into the empty sockets that once might have contained eyes, then at that damn smile. The emergency lights reflected off of its bloody muscle and tissue where skin should be. It opened its mouth, and drool fell onto me. It smelled like rancid meat left out in the sun. I came out of my stupor as it raised its hand. I kicked his kneecaps hard, and it howled as they cracked and were broken in the opposite direction. I stood up and ran, my paralysis having finally wore off. God, they were everywhere, tearing customers and employees apart unmercifully and without prejudice.
I heard the fabric on the back of my shirt rip and felt the skin tear. I fell forward and landed on my face, hard. As I flipped over I saw two more standing at my feet. Before I could try any sad attempt at fighting back, one grabbed me by the head and lifted me up off of the ground. Its palm pressed against my forehead, and its fingers wrapped around to the base of my skull. A blinding light emitted from the center of its palm, and I pass out from the pain.
When I awoke it felt like my forehead was on fire. I had a blinding headache, and as I reached up to touch the wound, I could feel heat radiating from it. I stood up and looked around me, my eyes barely able to approach the carnage they were seeing. The store looked as though a fire had swept through it. Charred boxed and foodstuffs lay scattered about. More disturbingly, so were people. I random parts and entrails everywhere. Then, sadly, I saw a tiny severed hand that still clutched a teddy bear.
“Jesus Christ.” It was more of a declaration than a prayer, really. Upon further inspection I found neither a survivor, nor any of the creatures that had butchered them all.
I walked into the bathroom and looked into the cracked mirror. Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw in my reflection. A cross was carved and seared deep into the skin of my forehead. The cross was inverted, and inscribed around the intersection was a circle with three bent legs equilaterally placed. It looked like a six, copied and turned once, then copied and turned against. For those of you keeping score, that's three of them. It was about this point that I realized just how fucked I truly was.
Once I had calmed down a little bit, something lurking in the back of my mind came to the forefront and screamed for some much needed attention.
“Nicholas!” I screamed and ran to the front door.
I stopped, afraid of what might happen to me if I stepped outside, remembering the boiling rain and earth shaking storms from hours earlier. As I looked at the debris and ruin, it became clear to me that things outside had settled down enough to venture out.
As I stepped out onto the concrete, my shoes sizzled. The air was hot and heavy, filled with the stench of death and decay. There was nothing left standing on the block except the store.
I ran. I ran as fast as I could towards where I knew my house was, although all the old landmarks were gone. I could only tell where I was going by the up heaved road that I had been driving on almost a day prior. It seemed like a lifetime before I reached my street. All of the houses were gone or leveled. A sea of foundations where there had been a myriad of bricks, windows, and siding. What had once been trees and laws were now charred stumps amidst an ocean of red rubble.
My house was only a hundred feet or so from the turn, and I could see it standing alone, or at least I thought it was standing. Half of it was torn out, and the other half was staying up with only the support of my only prayer.
Please, let him still be alive. Please, let me find him. Please, please, please...
I saw my father's corpse lying in the front yard, dismembered and blood soaked. I nearly vomited at the sight of his body, and every word that I spat at him during our fight flooded my inner thoughts, wracking me with guilt. I fell hard onto my knees and wretched my stomach until I nearly heaved out my intestines.
Lying there on the ground, I heard it. The only beacon of hope from the darkest twenty four hours of my life. Using every bit of strength left, I pulled myself to my feet and walked towards the remains of the house. I passed through the remnants of the living room towards the source of the sound. There he was, my little brother, the only source of hope and redemption in my life. He was crouched, holding the lifeless body of his mother in his lap. Cradling her head, he rocked back and forth, back and forth. Tears streaming down his tiny face, barely audible sobs emanating from his rigid body.
“Monsters came. They took Daddy away. And now...Mommy won't wake up. Please, Joe. Make her wake up.”
I collapsed next to him and pulled him towards me, holding his head against my chest.
“I'm sorry, Nicky. I'm so sorry.”
We wept together then. Little did we know, we only got a taste of hell that day. It was meant to prepare us for the worst yet to come.
My father's angry words rang heavily inside my ears as the front door of the house slammed shut behind me. I didn't even look back once as I made my way across the yard to my car. This had already happened a few times before, and I knew all my belongings would be waiting for me in the front yard when I returned. I pulled my keys from my pocket, unlocked the car door, and climbed inside. I sighed as I put the key into the ignition. It was only then that I finally looked back towards the house. The hate that brewed inside could even be felt from all the way out to the street. Hopefully, all Dad needed was a little time to cool off, and by the time I got off of work things would be better.
Life had been utter shit ever since Mom died and Dad remarried. For the most part my stepmother was ok, we just didn't see eye to eye on a whole lot of things. I think she viewed my older brother and myself as physical evidence that Dad had once been in love with another woman besides herself, and resented us for it. Samuel, the eldest, got sick of it and left. I hadn't see or heard from him in three years. However, it wasn't all bad.
The best thing that had come from Dad's new union was my younger brother, Nicholas. He had just celebrated his fifth birthday, and watching him grow had been a joy. He was the flower that had grown from the field of shit that was our broken home.
Most of the tensions grew from Samuel, Dad, and myself. Every single night had been a continuation of an ongoing fight that had lasted for six long years. I wasn't even sure what this particular spat had been about. At that point, though, I didn't even care.
“Fuck it,” I muttered to myself as I turned the key. The engine roared to life and I sped off. I was gripping the steering wheel so tightly that my knuckles had turned white. With a shaky hand I turned the radio on full blast and got lost inside a cacophony of guitar and lyrics.
It was about ten minutes later when I pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store that I so reluctantly called my job. Part of me wished I could just keep on driving until I found somewhere better to be, or just simply ran out of gas. Quite frankly, I would've settled for either. I was already half an hour late and I knew the boss would have my ass for it. I pulled into a parking spot and shut off the engine. My hands were still shaking. Why did I always let him get to me like this? I should be used to this by now.
With that thought in mind I climbed out and shut the door behind me. I glanced at the store and then looked up at the sky. I took in the beauty of the blue abyss that had been dotted with clouds. I found solace in the warmth of the sun, and smiled briefly. If I had known that this would be the last time I would ever see it, I probably would have stood there a little bit longer.
“Well, from one hell to another, I guess.” I said to myself as I walked sullenly towards the store. Little did I know how prophetic that throw away comment would soon be.
Halfway to the store's entrance I noticed flakes of snow, slowly wafting down from the sky. Least, that's what I figured it was. Then I remembered that it was August, I live in Texas, and the temperature was a mild 99 degrees. I picked up one of these “flakes.
“Funny,” I thought to myself, “I don't remember the weatherman saying anything about it raining feathers today.”
I looked up and around the parking lot. These feathers were everywhere, ranging in colors and sizes, some over a foot long. Several of them had splashes of a red liquid that made them hit the ground with a splat, staining where ever they had landed. I had no idea what could have caused such a phenomenon, but I was late, so I tossed the feather aside.
The doors opened in front of me, greeting me with a gust of artificially cooled air, and I stepped inside. No more than two seconds in, and the boss was already down my throat.
“Where the hell have you been? Do you realize you were supposed to be here forty five minutes ago?” He interrogated.
“Well, if it helps, sir, I've been in the parking lot for fifteen minutes.” I spat out sarcastically.
“I don't have time for this, get to work or your fired.” He threatened before turning around and walking away.
I flipped him off, went to the time clock, punched in, and started working at my checkout line. God, I hated my job. I saw the worst type of people come through my line: thieves, liars, and, more importantly, the assholes. Days like this made it really hard to keep that fake smile plastered on my face just so I could interact with all the customers.
And then it happened.
My co-worker, Jen, screamed out to me. “Joe, come quick! You've got to see this.” She was standing next to the window with a look of bewilderment and awe on her face.
“Jen, what's wro...” I started to ask as I made my way over to where she stood, but lost my voice at what I saw.
She didn't need to answer anyway. The sight spoke for itself. I looked out the window and up at the sky. It looked like it was on fire. There was simply no other way to describe it. Enormous streams of smoke billowed from the fires and covered the sky like a shroud. The clouds of smoke only grew thicker and darker as the fires consumed the sky. This didn't stop until it and the sun and sky were blacked out, leaving a premature darkness over the city. Burned down to a smoldering blackness, the sky seemed to swallow itself up into darkness, taking the earth with it. It grew so black that all I could see was my reflection in the store window. Looking back, raining feathers didn't seem so strange, considering what followed it. Suddenly, the blackness began to glow with a blood red tint.
That's when the storms came and with a fury. Thunder like I had never heard before echoed from every direction. The glowing sky churned and seethed in a completely unnatural way. The thunder receded, and a silence came. Nobody outside moved. Everyone in the store crowded around the windows, completely frozen. That's when the sky screamed. It let loose an ungodly cry that rattled every window and crumbled loose bits of dust from the ceiling tiles. Then the rain fell. It was a horrible mix of blood and acid.
Those unfortunate enough to be on the streets screamed in agony as the boiling brew fell upon them. I watched in horror and revulsion as the flesh melted off of their bones. It reminded me of one summer I spent with a bucket full of army men, and a very powerful magnifying glass. I felt sick. Sick with sympathy for the poor souls out there. I swallowed down the bile taste that formed inside my mouth. It all happened so fast. I wanted to help the people outside, to open the doors and help them, but they wouldn't even make it that far. To go to them would be suicide.
The tires on the cars melted on the asphalt from the heat that was steadily growing outside. It was so intense that the windows became too hot to even stand near.
Unnatural lightning erupted from the heavens and exploded on the ground in fiery bursts of crimson, obliterating whatever they hit with pyrotechnic displays of destruction. Buildings all around us were being blown down to rubble by awesome winds. My lunchtime options were diminishing rapidly. That's when the lights went out.
Twelve hours later...
It was only when the storms ceased that the emergency lights finally kicked on. This gave us a better view of the chaos that had been wrought all around us. No other buildings surrounded us. It's funny. I had always joked that when the world ended, all that would be left were cockroaches and this god forsaken store. I just never thought I'd actually be right. People started to say that it was a sign from God that we saved.
Everyone was huddled together in fear or silent prayer. I saw a little girl that clutched a teddy bear close to her chest as she whimpered in her mother's arms. I felt a sting of pity when I saw the fear that resided within her eyes.
“Well, at least it's all over.” I said to her gently, hoping it would offer some comfort.
“Everyone, come here! There's something out there!” A man screamed as he looked out the window.
We all made our way to where he was standing and followed his gaze. All I could see was red. Red skies. Red pavement. Red rubble. Red mist...then I saw it. The shadows outside seemed to be alive. There was movement everywhere. The vapors hanging in the air swirled and cloaked the figures, making it impossible to tell who, or what, they were. Then, something came into view.
It looked human, as far as shape and form were concerned. Hunched over as it gated the ground, knees to face and elbows scraping the pavement. Hairless on the few patches of skin it had left, its body wretchedly thin. Every step it took looked like a mile, and it felt as if the creature could reach out from where it stood and grab us through the glass. The arms alone must have been 6 feet long from shoulder to tip. It stood up towering above everything, standing over eight feet tall. Its arms stretched down past its knees and ended with talon tipped fingers. But the creepiest, most horrifying detail was the face.
The corners of its mouth stretched to the back of its skull in a permanent smile that revealed a jumble of needles that can only begin to look like teeth. Thousands of them standing at a messy attention behind its jovial expression. It's face looked like a mans might after it was peeled off a brick wall after a head on collision, flat from forehead to jaw with two in the middle for sniffing out its prey. The tissue of it's scalp and forehead was bulled down over its eyes and tied back behind its head, creating a makeshift blindfold. Its spine jutted out like the teeth of a saw.
A few people in the store rushed to lock and barricade the doors. I knew it was useless. If the bastard wanted in, it'd find a way.
Its head swiveled back and forth as if sniffing the air. It paused, and turned its head to look directly towards us. As its eyeless gaze fell upon us I felt a shiver run down my spine and stay there. My worst fear was confirmed; it knew we were there. The chill was a stark contrast to the head that had grown from outside, but offered no relief. It reached a taloned hand out towards us and I blinked. In the fraction of the second that my eyes were closed, it had already made the distance from where it stood across the parking lot to the window.
“Fuck me,” I gasped.
It tapped the glass with a single clawed finger, and I watched as its smile grew even larger, tightening the skin around the face. I looked behind it and saw why. Hundreds of creatures just like it came out from the shadows and joined him at the window. Most of them were smaller than him, but some were bigger. It didn't make a difference what size they were, though, they all seemed just as deadly. Some had no skin over where their eyes should have been, just empty holes. Every one different in its own way, and yet the same.
Some people inside screamed and began to run to the back of the building, while others just stood in their place, paralyzed. Unfortunately, I was with the latter, and I've seen enough horror movies to know better. As if on cue, all the creatures opened up their mouths and let loose screams that shook the windows until they shattered inwards. Some of the people around me had blood pouring from their ears, a sign their eardrums had burst.
The creatures flowed into the store like water from a crumbling dam. They whirled through the crowd of stunned patrons, randomly slaughtering anyone in their path. Screams of agony could be heard from all directions. I stood there dumbfounded until one of them backhanded me. I flew back, bounced off a checkout counter, and landed hard on the floor. It was already on top of me. I gazed into the empty sockets that once might have contained eyes, then at that damn smile. The emergency lights reflected off of its bloody muscle and tissue where skin should be. It opened its mouth, and drool fell onto me. It smelled like rancid meat left out in the sun. I came out of my stupor as it raised its hand. I kicked his kneecaps hard, and it howled as they cracked and were broken in the opposite direction. I stood up and ran, my paralysis having finally wore off. God, they were everywhere, tearing customers and employees apart unmercifully and without prejudice.
I heard the fabric on the back of my shirt rip and felt the skin tear. I fell forward and landed on my face, hard. As I flipped over I saw two more standing at my feet. Before I could try any sad attempt at fighting back, one grabbed me by the head and lifted me up off of the ground. Its palm pressed against my forehead, and its fingers wrapped around to the base of my skull. A blinding light emitted from the center of its palm, and I pass out from the pain.
When I awoke it felt like my forehead was on fire. I had a blinding headache, and as I reached up to touch the wound, I could feel heat radiating from it. I stood up and looked around me, my eyes barely able to approach the carnage they were seeing. The store looked as though a fire had swept through it. Charred boxed and foodstuffs lay scattered about. More disturbingly, so were people. I random parts and entrails everywhere. Then, sadly, I saw a tiny severed hand that still clutched a teddy bear.
“Jesus Christ.” It was more of a declaration than a prayer, really. Upon further inspection I found neither a survivor, nor any of the creatures that had butchered them all.
I walked into the bathroom and looked into the cracked mirror. Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw in my reflection. A cross was carved and seared deep into the skin of my forehead. The cross was inverted, and inscribed around the intersection was a circle with three bent legs equilaterally placed. It looked like a six, copied and turned once, then copied and turned against. For those of you keeping score, that's three of them. It was about this point that I realized just how fucked I truly was.
Once I had calmed down a little bit, something lurking in the back of my mind came to the forefront and screamed for some much needed attention.
“Nicholas!” I screamed and ran to the front door.
I stopped, afraid of what might happen to me if I stepped outside, remembering the boiling rain and earth shaking storms from hours earlier. As I looked at the debris and ruin, it became clear to me that things outside had settled down enough to venture out.
As I stepped out onto the concrete, my shoes sizzled. The air was hot and heavy, filled with the stench of death and decay. There was nothing left standing on the block except the store.
I ran. I ran as fast as I could towards where I knew my house was, although all the old landmarks were gone. I could only tell where I was going by the up heaved road that I had been driving on almost a day prior. It seemed like a lifetime before I reached my street. All of the houses were gone or leveled. A sea of foundations where there had been a myriad of bricks, windows, and siding. What had once been trees and laws were now charred stumps amidst an ocean of red rubble.
My house was only a hundred feet or so from the turn, and I could see it standing alone, or at least I thought it was standing. Half of it was torn out, and the other half was staying up with only the support of my only prayer.
Please, let him still be alive. Please, let me find him. Please, please, please...
I saw my father's corpse lying in the front yard, dismembered and blood soaked. I nearly vomited at the sight of his body, and every word that I spat at him during our fight flooded my inner thoughts, wracking me with guilt. I fell hard onto my knees and wretched my stomach until I nearly heaved out my intestines.
Lying there on the ground, I heard it. The only beacon of hope from the darkest twenty four hours of my life. Using every bit of strength left, I pulled myself to my feet and walked towards the remains of the house. I passed through the remnants of the living room towards the source of the sound. There he was, my little brother, the only source of hope and redemption in my life. He was crouched, holding the lifeless body of his mother in his lap. Cradling her head, he rocked back and forth, back and forth. Tears streaming down his tiny face, barely audible sobs emanating from his rigid body.
“Monsters came. They took Daddy away. And now...Mommy won't wake up. Please, Joe. Make her wake up.”
I collapsed next to him and pulled him towards me, holding his head against my chest.
“I'm sorry, Nicky. I'm so sorry.”
We wept together then. Little did we know, we only got a taste of hell that day. It was meant to prepare us for the worst yet to come.
Everything Has A Price
On my lunch break I got a call from my cousin asking me to pick her up from work. All I wanted to do was go straight home, but I told her I'd help her out. On the way there, the buildings grew more and more dilapidated. Welcome to South Dallas, a place a skinny white boy like myself shouldn't be traveling alone.
I called her when I got there and asked if I could come inside because I really had to pee. I opened the car door, climbed out and the second it shut behind me I realized the keys were still in the ignition. Perfect. This happens to me. A lot. Why don't I get a spare key you ask? I don't know and you're really starting to sound like my father.
There's a church next to her office, so I went in there to see if they had anything that could help me out. The inside was rundown with a few pews in front of an elevated stage, on which rested a drum set, guitars and other equipment. It looked like they had turned one of the old music clubs in Deep Ellum into a place of worship. Badass. An old biker guy wearing a bandanna ended up finding a hanger and told me if I couldn't get it to come back for help. I worked with the hanger for 15 minutes before I realized I had no idea what I was doing and went back for assistance.
He grabbed a hammer and two wooden wedges and we went back to my car.
"I learned this trick when I worked for a used car dealership." He told me.
"Hey, I'm not judging you. I just hope this works."
He wedged the door open and began trying to use the hanger to catch the lock. I told the biker that I really appreciated the help he was giving me and he told me to thank Jesus, because he was just the messenger. Ok...um...thanks Jesus.
I was only wearing a T-shirt and my coat stared at me from the back seat. My teeth started to chatter and my cousin told me she was going to get me her extra sweater. While she was gone the biker went back to find something stronger. It was at this point that another guy rode up on a bike.
"Lock your keys in your car." Must resist urge...to make...sarcastic comment.
"Yeah." Whew...almost didn't make it.
"I can help you out."
"Alright. Thanks."
"So I have permission to touch your car."
"Yeah, I'm not using it at the moment."
"I'm just making sure. I'm no car thief."
"Right on."
He pulled out a pair of pliers from his pocket, unscrewed my antenea and made the end into a curve. At this point my cousin comes back with the sweater. So now I'm a skinny white boy in south Dallas in a white lace sweater. I ask her if she has the pumps to match it and the guy laughs. I was really touched that these guys went out of their way to help a stranger. It's so rare in life that we take the time to do a selfless act for our fellow man. After about ten minutes, he's got the door open. I thank him profusely.
"You know, I just saved you a fortune." Of course, here it comes. "I'm trying to get something to eat and I'd really like your help." You son of a bitch.
I explain to him that I've only got $20 to last until my next payday. This was the truth. I didn't have any money that I could spare.
"That's ok, I'll take ten."
"It's not broken."
"I'll go down there to the store with you." He wasn't backing down.
"I don't want to go down there."
"You don't get. I'm gonna go down there with you." Fuck me. I'm gonna get stabbed tonight.
"Hold on."
I went inside my cousin's work but no one had change. I've just started enjoying my life, I don't want it to end. I went back to the church and they helped me out again. When I returned to the guy the exchange went like this:
"Look, man. This 20 is all I have to my name. That's it until next week. I can't give you ten, that's half of what I'm worth. I'll give you five."
"You're hurting me, man."
"And you're hurting me. I appreciate what you've done for me, but now I can't eat tonight. So there you go."
He stared at me for a long time. I grew uncomfortable.
"You're really hurting me man. I can't believe you're not gonna give me ten."
"You get five. Take it or don't." You aggressive bastard.
Finally, he sighed and took it before riding off in the sunset. I was pissed. I just don't know why something has to always be expected, you know? Why do nice things always have to have a catch? There's probably a lesson in there somewhere. Good one, Jesus.
I called her when I got there and asked if I could come inside because I really had to pee. I opened the car door, climbed out and the second it shut behind me I realized the keys were still in the ignition. Perfect. This happens to me. A lot. Why don't I get a spare key you ask? I don't know and you're really starting to sound like my father.
There's a church next to her office, so I went in there to see if they had anything that could help me out. The inside was rundown with a few pews in front of an elevated stage, on which rested a drum set, guitars and other equipment. It looked like they had turned one of the old music clubs in Deep Ellum into a place of worship. Badass. An old biker guy wearing a bandanna ended up finding a hanger and told me if I couldn't get it to come back for help. I worked with the hanger for 15 minutes before I realized I had no idea what I was doing and went back for assistance.
He grabbed a hammer and two wooden wedges and we went back to my car.
"I learned this trick when I worked for a used car dealership." He told me.
"Hey, I'm not judging you. I just hope this works."
He wedged the door open and began trying to use the hanger to catch the lock. I told the biker that I really appreciated the help he was giving me and he told me to thank Jesus, because he was just the messenger. Ok...um...thanks Jesus.
I was only wearing a T-shirt and my coat stared at me from the back seat. My teeth started to chatter and my cousin told me she was going to get me her extra sweater. While she was gone the biker went back to find something stronger. It was at this point that another guy rode up on a bike.
"Lock your keys in your car." Must resist urge...to make...sarcastic comment.
"Yeah." Whew...almost didn't make it.
"I can help you out."
"Alright. Thanks."
"So I have permission to touch your car."
"Yeah, I'm not using it at the moment."
"I'm just making sure. I'm no car thief."
"Right on."
He pulled out a pair of pliers from his pocket, unscrewed my antenea and made the end into a curve. At this point my cousin comes back with the sweater. So now I'm a skinny white boy in south Dallas in a white lace sweater. I ask her if she has the pumps to match it and the guy laughs. I was really touched that these guys went out of their way to help a stranger. It's so rare in life that we take the time to do a selfless act for our fellow man. After about ten minutes, he's got the door open. I thank him profusely.
"You know, I just saved you a fortune." Of course, here it comes. "I'm trying to get something to eat and I'd really like your help." You son of a bitch.
I explain to him that I've only got $20 to last until my next payday. This was the truth. I didn't have any money that I could spare.
"That's ok, I'll take ten."
"It's not broken."
"I'll go down there to the store with you." He wasn't backing down.
"I don't want to go down there."
"You don't get. I'm gonna go down there with you." Fuck me. I'm gonna get stabbed tonight.
"Hold on."
I went inside my cousin's work but no one had change. I've just started enjoying my life, I don't want it to end. I went back to the church and they helped me out again. When I returned to the guy the exchange went like this:
"Look, man. This 20 is all I have to my name. That's it until next week. I can't give you ten, that's half of what I'm worth. I'll give you five."
"You're hurting me, man."
"And you're hurting me. I appreciate what you've done for me, but now I can't eat tonight. So there you go."
He stared at me for a long time. I grew uncomfortable.
"You're really hurting me man. I can't believe you're not gonna give me ten."
"You get five. Take it or don't." You aggressive bastard.
Finally, he sighed and took it before riding off in the sunset. I was pissed. I just don't know why something has to always be expected, you know? Why do nice things always have to have a catch? There's probably a lesson in there somewhere. Good one, Jesus.
Ennui
Saturday night...
I remember a couple of years ago when I'd look forward to the weekends. It always meant being out all night with a bunch of friends in a bar or some other random place. Now it feels like I spend most of them companionless. Almost like it happened over night.
I don't know if it's just what happens as you get older, or if it's just the way the cards fell. A few of the friends I have are married, which fills up most of their time. Some have conflicting schedules and the others, well, I didn't much like in the first place.
It's times like this that I get lonely. I miss the excitement a night out could bring. Getting ready for the evening and unknown adventures that would almost certainly take place. Now they're spent in front of a screen, be it computer or television. I wanna get out of this rut.
It's kind of hard to meet new people when you get older, though. The two places in life that it's the easiest to do so are school and work. School's out and all my co-workers are considerably older. Shit, I've only killed five minutes doing this.
Now that I think about it, this is the first time in over a week that I've just been able to kind of hang back. I should relish it, but idle time is never a good thing. It lets the mind wander and that's something to be avoided. Ugh...I'm starting to prefer being at work. How the hell did that happen?
I remember a couple of years ago when I'd look forward to the weekends. It always meant being out all night with a bunch of friends in a bar or some other random place. Now it feels like I spend most of them companionless. Almost like it happened over night.
I don't know if it's just what happens as you get older, or if it's just the way the cards fell. A few of the friends I have are married, which fills up most of their time. Some have conflicting schedules and the others, well, I didn't much like in the first place.
It's times like this that I get lonely. I miss the excitement a night out could bring. Getting ready for the evening and unknown adventures that would almost certainly take place. Now they're spent in front of a screen, be it computer or television. I wanna get out of this rut.
It's kind of hard to meet new people when you get older, though. The two places in life that it's the easiest to do so are school and work. School's out and all my co-workers are considerably older. Shit, I've only killed five minutes doing this.
Now that I think about it, this is the first time in over a week that I've just been able to kind of hang back. I should relish it, but idle time is never a good thing. It lets the mind wander and that's something to be avoided. Ugh...I'm starting to prefer being at work. How the hell did that happen?
This one's for you
Words To Live By
This song is for,
Those of you out there,
Who live your lives,
And yet wish for something better.
This goes out to,
All the people out there.
That feel all alone,
Like they don’t matter.
But this is not,
The way the story goes, no.
This is not,
The way the story goes, now.
Chorus1:
In my heart I know,
It’s all gonna be ok.
We have cleared,
Every obstacle in our way.
But you let your fucked up past,
Keep you out of touch.
Just enough to,
Drag yourself down.
End Chorus:
These 23 years passed,
As if they were nothing.
But maybe before you can have it all,
Ya have to lose everything.
Sometimes I miss,
The friends I used to have.
I miss the days,
When I was close to my Dad.
I’d be lying if I said,
Things turned out the way I’d expected.
But this is not,
The way the story goes, no.
This is not,
The way the story goes, now.
Chorus1 1x:
And I’m thankful,
For every person,
That fucked me over.
And all those people,
That showed their true colors.
I wouldn’t trade,
A bit of the pain, cuz
It’s made me stronger.
Chorus2 1x:
In my heart I know,
It’s all gonna be ok.
We have cleared,
Every obstacle in our way.
But your troubled past,
Is not a crutch.
Not a reason to,
Hold yourself down.
End Chorus 2:
It’s not over yet.
It’s not over yet.
It’s not, it’s not,
It’s not too late to start healing.
To start living up to your potential.
You’re so much stronger,
Than people give you credit for.
And it’s not, it’s not,
It’s not over yet.
End:
This song is for,
Those of you out there,
Who live your lives,
And yet wish for something better.
This goes out to,
All the people out there.
That feel all alone,
Like they don’t matter.
But this is not,
The way the story goes, no.
This is not,
The way the story goes, now.
Chorus1:
In my heart I know,
It’s all gonna be ok.
We have cleared,
Every obstacle in our way.
But you let your fucked up past,
Keep you out of touch.
Just enough to,
Drag yourself down.
End Chorus:
These 23 years passed,
As if they were nothing.
But maybe before you can have it all,
Ya have to lose everything.
Sometimes I miss,
The friends I used to have.
I miss the days,
When I was close to my Dad.
I’d be lying if I said,
Things turned out the way I’d expected.
But this is not,
The way the story goes, no.
This is not,
The way the story goes, now.
Chorus1 1x:
And I’m thankful,
For every person,
That fucked me over.
And all those people,
That showed their true colors.
I wouldn’t trade,
A bit of the pain, cuz
It’s made me stronger.
Chorus2 1x:
In my heart I know,
It’s all gonna be ok.
We have cleared,
Every obstacle in our way.
But your troubled past,
Is not a crutch.
Not a reason to,
Hold yourself down.
End Chorus 2:
It’s not over yet.
It’s not over yet.
It’s not, it’s not,
It’s not too late to start healing.
To start living up to your potential.
You’re so much stronger,
Than people give you credit for.
And it’s not, it’s not,
It’s not over yet.
End:
Check it out! I just got happiness in a bottle. Hurry up and get in line cuz they're handing that shit out like candy!
I'm fifteen minutes early when I get to my psychiatrist's office. After I pay the lady behind the counter, she gives me the Dean Koontz book I let her borrow and then I sit down. I put on my headphones on and pull out my phone, cutting myself off completely from everyone in the room. The first song my MP3 player picks is 'Wonderful' by Everclear. The sheer irony of that playing while I'm in a shrink's office makes me laugh out loud which, in turn, makes everyone else look at me like I'm crazy. Good thing I'm in the right place.
I start to look around the room at the other people waiting to see their doctor. There's a couple of business men with balding heads and wrinkles carved deep under their eyes from stress. A few children hang on their mother, who aged twice as fast as she should have. I wonder if I still belong here. Six months ago, sure, but now I'm not so sure.
It's when this thought hits me that my doctor comes in to call me back. I don't have any problems with him. He's nice enough and everything, but the whole visit always feels awkward. I'm never there more than five minutes and this occasion is no different.
"What do you need this time?" he asks as he pulls out his scripts. When did doctor's become nothing more than drug dealers with degrees? With a new piece of paper that guarantees me another month of sanity, I take my leave. Back in my car my mind wanders.
Pharmaceutical companies run more of this nation than you think. The U.S. is the only country in the world that advertises medications on T.V. Think about that. The commercials all start out with a broad spectrum of symptoms that you're bound to have at some point. Feel tired? You must be depressed. Ass itch? Must be anal cancer. So you go to the doctor and order it like it's fast food. Oh, and don't forget the side effects they spout off rapid fire. You're gonna need medications to counter act those, too.
I wonder if I still have mental problems, if I ever really did. I'm starting to think I was just dealing with too much bullshit at one time. (See earlier blogs) Now, I feel great. So where do I end, and the medications begin? I don't know, it messes with me, though. (Just don't try to take away my Ambien. Seriously. I'm not fucking around here.)
We're just so quick to throw pills at our problems. We don't look at the source, we just numb the pain. "I think my kid has ADD. He has problems paying attention." No, your kid's fucking six, it's how they act. Now you wanna throw in a pill that messes with his brain's chemistry? You're supposed to be his parents, for Christ's sake. And that's only one example.
My second psychiatrist labeled me as paranoid schizophrenic and bi-polar. Then he never returned my calls. When I went to the hospital because I couldn't deal, they told me that it was clinicaly impossible to have both disorders. Do you have any idea how much that jacked me up?
I'm not saying that all doctors are bad, nor are medications. I just think they should be a last resort, even though I'm perpetuating the system. I love me some Ambien. Until next time...
I start to look around the room at the other people waiting to see their doctor. There's a couple of business men with balding heads and wrinkles carved deep under their eyes from stress. A few children hang on their mother, who aged twice as fast as she should have. I wonder if I still belong here. Six months ago, sure, but now I'm not so sure.
It's when this thought hits me that my doctor comes in to call me back. I don't have any problems with him. He's nice enough and everything, but the whole visit always feels awkward. I'm never there more than five minutes and this occasion is no different.
"What do you need this time?" he asks as he pulls out his scripts. When did doctor's become nothing more than drug dealers with degrees? With a new piece of paper that guarantees me another month of sanity, I take my leave. Back in my car my mind wanders.
Pharmaceutical companies run more of this nation than you think. The U.S. is the only country in the world that advertises medications on T.V. Think about that. The commercials all start out with a broad spectrum of symptoms that you're bound to have at some point. Feel tired? You must be depressed. Ass itch? Must be anal cancer. So you go to the doctor and order it like it's fast food. Oh, and don't forget the side effects they spout off rapid fire. You're gonna need medications to counter act those, too.
I wonder if I still have mental problems, if I ever really did. I'm starting to think I was just dealing with too much bullshit at one time. (See earlier blogs) Now, I feel great. So where do I end, and the medications begin? I don't know, it messes with me, though. (Just don't try to take away my Ambien. Seriously. I'm not fucking around here.)
We're just so quick to throw pills at our problems. We don't look at the source, we just numb the pain. "I think my kid has ADD. He has problems paying attention." No, your kid's fucking six, it's how they act. Now you wanna throw in a pill that messes with his brain's chemistry? You're supposed to be his parents, for Christ's sake. And that's only one example.
My second psychiatrist labeled me as paranoid schizophrenic and bi-polar. Then he never returned my calls. When I went to the hospital because I couldn't deal, they told me that it was clinicaly impossible to have both disorders. Do you have any idea how much that jacked me up?
I'm not saying that all doctors are bad, nor are medications. I just think they should be a last resort, even though I'm perpetuating the system. I love me some Ambien. Until next time...
Epiphany in the static
Night time...
I'm driving. The lonely country road stretches out under an ocean of stars that will soon be lost within the ambient light of the city. I think in white noise.
Ten minutes from Rockwall and it finally kicks in. I roll the window further down. The radio is on full blast. The music seeps into my pores and pumps through my veins. The cool night air whips past my burning face and I smile. It's moments like this that I truly feel alive.
I come up the hill that marks the last exit for Rockwall. The Dallas skyline burns in the background like a fire that refuses to be extinguished. Beautiful. The bridge over the lake seems ten times longer than usual. The moon chases me along the surface of the water. It looks as though I can almost touch it.
Everything begins to slow down, including my thoughts. So, let's get down to it.
A lot of people lately have been asking me why I'm single and I don't know what to tell them. I analyze the decisions I have made and decide that I need to re-evaluate my priorites. I wonder why I am the way that I am. This line of thinking can be dangerous.
I start with childhood and work my way forward. The realization sets in that a part of me is still in that state, that it never matured. I think it's because, like so many other people, I had to grow up too fast. When your innocence is taken away from you at such a young age, a part of your emotional growth becomes stinted. If that happens, you could be stuck forever.
I have decided to let it all go. The baggage is too heavy and I am tired. I'm ready to be happy, to feel new emotions without the influences of the past. I don't want to be angry anymore. I just want to be.
Back at home, I flip through the channels and stop at a French animated film called 'Persepolis'. It's about a girl growing up during a revolution in Iran and I relate to it on more levels than I'd like to admit. I see myself in many of the characters, a few that I'm ashamed of.
At what age do our behaviors stop being cute and fun? When do we just become tragic and sad? I want to grow up and now's the time. I'm right back to where I started from all those years ago, only now I've got the lessons to help guide me. I've also got hope and opportunities, and those are things that I will never waste again.
HSH Excerpt-Enjoy!
INT. DINER - AFTERNOON
The camera is sitting in one end of a booth. Right across are Kahleb and Katy. they are sitting rather close and appear completely comfortable with each other. They sit talking quietly.
KATY
(Concerned)
Where do you think Richie is? He was supposed to meet us here half an hour ago. It's weird, he's never late.
KAHLEB
Yeah, I know. He went to the bathroom after first, but he's been a ghost ever since. I hope nothing happened to him
KATY
(Angry now)
I swear, if those assholes jumped him again.
KAHLEB
(Trying to calm her down)
I'm sure he's ok. Probably just lost track of time. But listen. Since we're alone there's something I wanna talk to you about.
KATY
Ok, what's up?
We can see Richie approaching in the background. His face is red and there is blood on the neck of his shirt. The camera swings around to give us a view of both sides of the booth.
KAHLEB
We've been friends forever and-
Richie plops down in the empty side of the booth, and lays across it. His elbow is resting on the table, head in hand. Kahleb and Katy are now sitting a considerable distance away from each other.
RICHIE
(Devoid of emotion)
Hey guys.
KATY
(Sees the blood on Richie's shirt)
Jesus, what the hell happened?
RICHIE
It's been a really bad day.
KAHLEB
They jump you again?
RICHIE
Yeah, and it was one of the highlights.
KATY
What do you mean?
RICHIE
I've seen things.
KAHLEB
What kind of things?
RICHIE
Terrible things. Stuff no one should ever have to see.
KATY
Care to elaborate?
Richie stares at her blankly for a few seconds. He opens his mouth, but then shuts it before any words come out. He sits up and looks at his friends.
RICHIE
Fuck. I don't even know if I can say it. I don't think you can handle the burden of my newfound knowledge.
KAHLEB
(Grows impatient)
Just tell us already!
RICHIE
All right. But I warned you.
(Takes a deep breath)
I caught Chase humping another guy in the bathroom after first period.
KATY
I fucking knew it!
KAHLEB
(In unison with Katy)
Bullshit.
RICHIE
It's the truth man.
KATY
(Very excited at this recent development)
Tell me everything!
KAHLEB
Why do you want to know the details?
KATY
Morbid curiousity, just shut up.
(To Richie)
Now, continue.
RICHIE
Well, I went to the bathroom after first. While I was pissing I heard noises coming from one of the stalls.
KATY
(Fully immersed in the story)
What kind of noises?
RICHIE
They were just noises ok? Can't we just leave it at that?
KATY
Ok, fine. Go on.
RICHIE
I was just gonna let it go, walk out, and go to class. But that's when I heard Chase speak.
KAHLEB
(Now into the story as well)
What'd he say?
RICHIE
(Flustered)
I'm not gonna repeat it! It was pretty graphic, though. And you know me, never one to miss out on such a golden opportunity. I kicked the door in.
KATY
(Squeals with glee)
YOU DIDN'T!
RICHIE
I did. And there he was with Marcus, giving him all he had.
KAHLEB
Who?
RICHIE
Marcus. You know, the feminine guy that works at hot topic.
KAHLEB
(With excitement)
OH
(Voice lower now that the picture is in his head)
Oh.
(Shudders)
Ewww.
KATY
(Laughs)
That must have been quite the sight.
RICHIE
Yeah, still burned into my fuckin retinas.
KAHLEB
So what happened after that?
RICHIE
Well, Marcus ran out with his pants around his ankles. Then Chase punched me in the stomach and said that if i told anyone he'd kick my ass.
KAHLEB
Just kick right? Nothing else?
RICHIE
(Laughs)
That's exactly what I asked him.
KATY
That's priceless. I called it, too. I knew he had something to hide.
KAHLEB
(Desperate to change the subject)
So where've you been all day?
RICHIE
I didn't exactly feel like going to class in my traumatized state, so I just took the day off and went to the movies.
KAHLEB
(In shock)
You...skipped class?
RICHIE
Yeah, my parents are gonna kill me.
KATY
Wait, so why's your shirt bloody? You said Chase hit you in the stomach.
Richie goes quiet. He is looking down at the table, his hands cupped together.
RICHIE
That happened later. I realized that I forgot something in my locker, so I went back to school to get it. That's when Christian caught up with me. You can fill in those blanks yourself.
KAHLEB
You gonna be alright man?
RICHIE
Yeah, i just...
Richie buries his head into his hands and begins to sobs. Katy exits her booth and takes the seat next to Richie. The Camera swings behind Kahleb to give us a better shot of the other two. Katy puts her arm around Richie, and he rests his head on her shoulder.
RICHIE
(Crying)
I just wish they'd stop.
The camera is sitting in one end of a booth. Right across are Kahleb and Katy. they are sitting rather close and appear completely comfortable with each other. They sit talking quietly.
KATY
(Concerned)
Where do you think Richie is? He was supposed to meet us here half an hour ago. It's weird, he's never late.
KAHLEB
Yeah, I know. He went to the bathroom after first, but he's been a ghost ever since. I hope nothing happened to him
KATY
(Angry now)
I swear, if those assholes jumped him again.
KAHLEB
(Trying to calm her down)
I'm sure he's ok. Probably just lost track of time. But listen. Since we're alone there's something I wanna talk to you about.
KATY
Ok, what's up?
We can see Richie approaching in the background. His face is red and there is blood on the neck of his shirt. The camera swings around to give us a view of both sides of the booth.
KAHLEB
We've been friends forever and-
Richie plops down in the empty side of the booth, and lays across it. His elbow is resting on the table, head in hand. Kahleb and Katy are now sitting a considerable distance away from each other.
RICHIE
(Devoid of emotion)
Hey guys.
KATY
(Sees the blood on Richie's shirt)
Jesus, what the hell happened?
RICHIE
It's been a really bad day.
KAHLEB
They jump you again?
RICHIE
Yeah, and it was one of the highlights.
KATY
What do you mean?
RICHIE
I've seen things.
KAHLEB
What kind of things?
RICHIE
Terrible things. Stuff no one should ever have to see.
KATY
Care to elaborate?
Richie stares at her blankly for a few seconds. He opens his mouth, but then shuts it before any words come out. He sits up and looks at his friends.
RICHIE
Fuck. I don't even know if I can say it. I don't think you can handle the burden of my newfound knowledge.
KAHLEB
(Grows impatient)
Just tell us already!
RICHIE
All right. But I warned you.
(Takes a deep breath)
I caught Chase humping another guy in the bathroom after first period.
KATY
I fucking knew it!
KAHLEB
(In unison with Katy)
Bullshit.
RICHIE
It's the truth man.
KATY
(Very excited at this recent development)
Tell me everything!
KAHLEB
Why do you want to know the details?
KATY
Morbid curiousity, just shut up.
(To Richie)
Now, continue.
RICHIE
Well, I went to the bathroom after first. While I was pissing I heard noises coming from one of the stalls.
KATY
(Fully immersed in the story)
What kind of noises?
RICHIE
They were just noises ok? Can't we just leave it at that?
KATY
Ok, fine. Go on.
RICHIE
I was just gonna let it go, walk out, and go to class. But that's when I heard Chase speak.
KAHLEB
(Now into the story as well)
What'd he say?
RICHIE
(Flustered)
I'm not gonna repeat it! It was pretty graphic, though. And you know me, never one to miss out on such a golden opportunity. I kicked the door in.
KATY
(Squeals with glee)
YOU DIDN'T!
RICHIE
I did. And there he was with Marcus, giving him all he had.
KAHLEB
Who?
RICHIE
Marcus. You know, the feminine guy that works at hot topic.
KAHLEB
(With excitement)
OH
(Voice lower now that the picture is in his head)
Oh.
(Shudders)
Ewww.
KATY
(Laughs)
That must have been quite the sight.
RICHIE
Yeah, still burned into my fuckin retinas.
KAHLEB
So what happened after that?
RICHIE
Well, Marcus ran out with his pants around his ankles. Then Chase punched me in the stomach and said that if i told anyone he'd kick my ass.
KAHLEB
Just kick right? Nothing else?
RICHIE
(Laughs)
That's exactly what I asked him.
KATY
That's priceless. I called it, too. I knew he had something to hide.
KAHLEB
(Desperate to change the subject)
So where've you been all day?
RICHIE
I didn't exactly feel like going to class in my traumatized state, so I just took the day off and went to the movies.
KAHLEB
(In shock)
You...skipped class?
RICHIE
Yeah, my parents are gonna kill me.
KATY
Wait, so why's your shirt bloody? You said Chase hit you in the stomach.
Richie goes quiet. He is looking down at the table, his hands cupped together.
RICHIE
That happened later. I realized that I forgot something in my locker, so I went back to school to get it. That's when Christian caught up with me. You can fill in those blanks yourself.
KAHLEB
You gonna be alright man?
RICHIE
Yeah, i just...
Richie buries his head into his hands and begins to sobs. Katy exits her booth and takes the seat next to Richie. The Camera swings behind Kahleb to give us a better shot of the other two. Katy puts her arm around Richie, and he rests his head on her shoulder.
RICHIE
(Crying)
I just wish they'd stop.
An Angel and The Fallen
Your wings.
Your wings are gold and shining,
mine are broken and black.
I whisper that I love you.
You smile and say it back.
After that no more words are spoken.
Only with the occasional moan,
is the silence broken.
Every time I see you,
a little more I fall.
Our time is almost over,
and so I try to stall.
Let’s just listen to one more song.
Just one more song...
It’s never been like this before.
We lay in each other’s arms,
both secretly wanting more.
Then it happens.
Breathing gets heavy,
as hearts beat faster.
Then as we move they,
well they beat together.
The world melts away,
as we gain momentum.
We’ve dreamed of this perfect moment,
that we become one...
The feeling of bein alone,
slowly withers and dies.
The star’s sparkle has been stolen,
and been placed inside your eyes.
I look into them,
and get lost in the greenish blue.
I wish I wasn’t tainted,
that I’d saved myself for you.
You’re not just another girl to me,
and this isn’t just another mistake.
Nothing in these feelings I have for you,
are even close to fake.
So if you give me your heart,
I’ll give you my all.
And revel in the love expressed,
between an angel and the fallen.
Your wings are gold and shining,
mine are broken and black.
I whisper that I love you.
You smile and say it back.
After that no more words are spoken.
Only with the occasional moan,
is the silence broken.
Every time I see you,
a little more I fall.
Our time is almost over,
and so I try to stall.
Let’s just listen to one more song.
Just one more song...
It’s never been like this before.
We lay in each other’s arms,
both secretly wanting more.
Then it happens.
Breathing gets heavy,
as hearts beat faster.
Then as we move they,
well they beat together.
The world melts away,
as we gain momentum.
We’ve dreamed of this perfect moment,
that we become one...
The feeling of bein alone,
slowly withers and dies.
The star’s sparkle has been stolen,
and been placed inside your eyes.
I look into them,
and get lost in the greenish blue.
I wish I wasn’t tainted,
that I’d saved myself for you.
You’re not just another girl to me,
and this isn’t just another mistake.
Nothing in these feelings I have for you,
are even close to fake.
So if you give me your heart,
I’ll give you my all.
And revel in the love expressed,
between an angel and the fallen.
Home Is Where The Hate Is
I’m layin in the darkness,
When light floods the room.
You enter slowly,
And the fear it consumes.
A smile on your face,
Turns the fear to dread.
You start to laugh,
And lay your hand on my head.
Chorus:
And I know when I was younger,
You went too far.
The pain almost runs as deep,
As all these fucking scars.
And I’m glad I don’t remember,
Those things you used to do.
But I can’t sleep at night,
Cuz all I see is you.
End chorus:
You told me not to worry,
Or to get upset.
Your hand goes all over,
My blankets drip with sweat.
I close my tear filled eyes,
And hope it’s over fast.
And you fucking wonder why,
I blocked out my past?
Chorus 1x:
So you touched me?
I don’t fucking care.
So you hit me?
I don’t fucking care.
So you took advantage?
I DON’T FUCKING CARE!
How could you,
Do this to a child?
I was just a fucking child.
Chorus 1x:
End:
When light floods the room.
You enter slowly,
And the fear it consumes.
A smile on your face,
Turns the fear to dread.
You start to laugh,
And lay your hand on my head.
Chorus:
And I know when I was younger,
You went too far.
The pain almost runs as deep,
As all these fucking scars.
And I’m glad I don’t remember,
Those things you used to do.
But I can’t sleep at night,
Cuz all I see is you.
End chorus:
You told me not to worry,
Or to get upset.
Your hand goes all over,
My blankets drip with sweat.
I close my tear filled eyes,
And hope it’s over fast.
And you fucking wonder why,
I blocked out my past?
Chorus 1x:
So you touched me?
I don’t fucking care.
So you hit me?
I don’t fucking care.
So you took advantage?
I DON’T FUCKING CARE!
How could you,
Do this to a child?
I was just a fucking child.
Chorus 1x:
End:
So...I'm stealing this from Ms Danni cuz I can't sleep and it'll buy me some time.
Top 25 songs...
25. Audiopilot-Not waiving, but drowning
24. Adema-Open Till Midnight
23. Fort Minor-Slip Out The Back
22. Third Eye blind-Semi-Charmed Life
21. cky-close yet far
20. Angels and Airways-Do it for me now
19. Smile Empty Soul-Bottom of the bottle
18. Bayside-Tortures of the damned
17. +44-Lycanthrope
16. ICP-southwest song
15. Blue october-Breakfast after ten
14. New Found Glory-hit or miss
13. Normal Like You-Behind Those Eyes
12. Linkin Park- Bleed It Out
11. Rise Against-Ready to Fall
10. Saosin-Collapse
9. Seether-Fine Again
8. The Used-Noise and Kisses
7. Taking Back Sunday-Cute With Out The E (Cut From The Team)
6. Hollywood Undead-Black Dahlia
5. Sublime-What I got
4. Blink 182-Stockholm Syndrome
3. (Hed) P.E.-The Meadow (Special Like You)
2. Everclear-Portland Rain
1. Brand New-Limousine (Ms Rebridge)
25. Audiopilot-Not waiving, but drowning
24. Adema-Open Till Midnight
23. Fort Minor-Slip Out The Back
22. Third Eye blind-Semi-Charmed Life
21. cky-close yet far
20. Angels and Airways-Do it for me now
19. Smile Empty Soul-Bottom of the bottle
18. Bayside-Tortures of the damned
17. +44-Lycanthrope
16. ICP-southwest song
15. Blue october-Breakfast after ten
14. New Found Glory-hit or miss
13. Normal Like You-Behind Those Eyes
12. Linkin Park- Bleed It Out
11. Rise Against-Ready to Fall
10. Saosin-Collapse
9. Seether-Fine Again
8. The Used-Noise and Kisses
7. Taking Back Sunday-Cute With Out The E (Cut From The Team)
6. Hollywood Undead-Black Dahlia
5. Sublime-What I got
4. Blink 182-Stockholm Syndrome
3. (Hed) P.E.-The Meadow (Special Like You)
2. Everclear-Portland Rain
1. Brand New-Limousine (Ms Rebridge)
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